Dr. Kenneth Soaper: [on disturbing Matron in the shower] Matron, this is the *men's*!
Miss Haggerd: Go away, Doctor Soaper!


--Hattie Jacques (as ) in Carry On Camping

Ginger Horton: Ah! My Second World War Nazi atrocity book came at last.
[turns to Youngman, dog in her lap, and browses the book]
Ginger Horton: Do you know what Bitsy and I do? We sit down and imagine all those atrocities being done to sex criminals. - Yes, sex criminals and the like. And that Dr Thorndike!
Sir Guy Grand KG, KC, CBE: [overhearing] What's that, Ginge? Bill Thorndike a sexy criminal?
Ginger Horton: The man you sent me to. He behaved VERY strangely.


--Hattie Jacques (as ) in The Magic Christian

Grace Short: Mr Wakefield, these children, discovered you were planning to leave. They don't want you to leave. It's as simple as that. They feel, as does the entire school, that Maudlin Street, wouldn't be the same without you. They thought of getting up a petition, but decided that wasn't certain to succeed. Besides such an action was considered by them to be, soft, not the Maudlin Street way. So, with all the circumstances in their favour, they decided to make sure, you would never obtain a post anywhere else, and launched their campaign to that end, with the whole school behind them. You may wish to proceed with punishing these boys. Personally, I would count my years in the profession, well spent, if they do half as much, to make me stay among them.


--Hattie Jacques (as ) in Carry On Teacher

Peggy Hawkins: [to the car salesman] We'll take fifteen!


--Hattie Jacques (as ) in Carry On Cabby

Gladstone Screwer: I'll call you "Sunday".
Matron: Well, I won't be in.


--Hattie Jacques (as ) in Carry On Again Doctor

The Colonel: Come come, Matron. Surely you've seen a temperature taken like this before?
Matron: Yes Colonel. But never with a daffodil!


--Hattie Jacques (as ) in Carry On Nurse