Marty Pilletti: Ma, sooner or later, there comes a point in a man's life when he's gotta face some facts. And one fact I gotta face is that, whatever it is that women like, I ain't got it.

Ilsa: Play it once, Sam. For old times' sake.
Sam: [lying] I don't know what you mean, Miss Ilsa.
Ilsa: Play it, Sam. Play "As Time Goes By."
Sam: [lying] Oh, I can't remember it, Miss Ilsa. I'm a little rusty on it.
Ilsa: I'll hum it for you. Da-dy-da-dy-da-dum, da-dy-da-dee-da-dum...
[Sam begins playing]

Judah Ben-Hur: If I cannot persuade them, that does not mean I will help you... *murder* them. Besides, you must understand this, Messala. I believe in the past of my people, *and* in their future.
Messala: Future? You are a conquered people!
Judah Ben-Hur: You may conquer the land; you may slaughter the people. But that is not the end. We will rise again.

C.C. Baxter: [Opens his bedroom door, tosses a pair of gloves in, and is about to step out, but he has seen Fran lying on the bed] All right, Miss Kubelik, get up.
[No response from the unconscious Fran]
C.C. Baxter: It's past checking-out time. The management would greatly appreciate it if you would get the hell out of here!
[Still no response]
C.C. Baxter: I used to like you. I used to like you a lot. But it's all over between us. So beat it!
[No responss]
C.C. Baxter: Oh, you, tee, out!
[No response]
C.C. Baxter: C'mon, wake up!
[Tries to drag her out, and she falls limp. Then he catches sight of the bottle of sleeping pills]
C.C. Baxter: Oh, my God...!

Lise Bouvier: Maybe Paris has a way of making people forget.
Jerry Mulligan: Paris? No. Not this city. It's too real and too beautiful to ever let you forget anything.

Addison DeWitt: It's important right now that we talk, killer to killer.
Eve Harrington: Champion to champion.
Addison DeWitt: Not with me, you're no champion. You're stepping way up in class.
Eve Harrington: Addison, will you please say what you have to say, plainly and distinctly, and then get out, so I can take my nap?
Addison DeWitt: Very well - plainly and distinctly - though I consider it unnecessary because you know as well as I do what I'm going to say: Lloyd may leave Karen, but he will not leave Karen for you.

Alexander Sebastian: I am married to an American agent.

Ned Sharp: Where is the regiment riding?
George Armstrong Custer: To hell, Sharp... or to glory. It depends on one's point of view.

Longfellow Deeds: About my playing the tuba. Seems like a lot of fuss has been made about that. If, if a man's crazy just because he plays the tuba, then somebody'd better look into it, because there are a lot of tuba players running around loose. 'Course, I don't see any harm in it. I play mine whenever I want to concentrate. That may sound funny to some people, but everybody does something silly when they're thinking. For instance, the judge here is, is an O-filler.
Judge May: A what?
Longfellow Deeds: An O-filler. You fill in all the spaces in the O's with your pencil. I was watching him.
[general laughter]
Longfellow Deeds: That may make you look a little crazy, Your Honor, just, just sitting around filling in O's, but I don't see anything wrong, 'cause that helps you think. Other people are doodlers.
Judge May: "Doodlers"?
Longfellow Deeds: Uh, that's a word we made up back home for people who make foolish designs on paper when they're thinking: it's called doodling. Almost everybody's a doodler; did you ever see a scratchpad in a telephone booth? People draw the most idiotic pictures when they're thinking. Uh, Dr. von Hallor here could probably think up a long name for it, because he doodles all the time.
[general laughter; he takes a sheet off the doctor's notepad]
Longfellow Deeds: Thank you. This is a piece of paper he was scribbling on. I can't figure it out - one minute it looks like a chimpanzee, and the next minute it looks like a picture of Mr. Cedar. You look at it, Judge. Exhibit A for the defense. Looks kind of stupid, doesn't it, Your Honor? But I guess that's all right; if Dr. von Hallor has to, uh, doodle to help him think, that's his business. Everybody does something different: some people are, are ear-pullers; some are nail-biters; that, uh, Mr. Semple over there is a nose-twitcher.
[general laughter]
Longfellow Deeds: And the lady next to him is a knuckle-cracker.
[general laughter]
Longfellow Deeds: So you see, everybody does silly things to help them think. Well, I play the tuba.

Dominique Francon: I wish I had never seen your building. It's the things that we admire or want that enslave us, I'm not easy to bring into submission.