Golda: [at police headquarters] What kind of a third degree is THIS? Here I was, looking forward to something, and what do I get? No light in my eyes. All the water I want. No rubber hose. You haven't even hit me with a folded newspaper. Talk about police brutality!
Police Sgt. Jasper Lynch: Lieutenant, we'll never get her to talk if she won't stop talking.


--Jonathan Winters (as Police Sgt. Jasper Lynch / Mother Lynch) in Eight on the Lam

Henry Dimsdale: Hey, you're very kind.
Police Sgt. Jasper Lynch: You're very playful.


--Jonathan Winters (as Police Sgt. Jasper Lynch / Mother Lynch) in Eight on the Lam

Benjy Benjamin: Look! We've figured it seventeen different ways, and every time we figured it, it was no good, because no matter how we figured it, somebody don't like the way we figured it! So now, there's only one way to figure it. And that is, every man, including the old bag, for himself!
Ding Bell: So good luck, and may the best man win!
Benjy Benjamin: [to Mrs. Marcus] Right! Except you,lady. May you just drop dead!
Lennie Pike: All right, all right, we all agree on that. Now look, let's be sensible about this thing. There's money in this for all of us. Right? There's enough for you, there's enough for you, and for me, and for you, and there's enough for...
[they all race to their cars]


--Jonathan Winters (as Lennie Pike) in It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World

J. Russell Finch: Here,
[pulls a blue bicycle from the mess of furniture that fell out of Pike's van]
J. Russell Finch: take this and go hire us the best car you can find.
Lennie Pike: But... this is a little girl's bike. This is for a little girl. Oh listen, I got to get this stuff back in so I can lock up the van.
J. Russell Finch: We'll put everything away. Will you get going please, will you hurry?
Lennie Pike: Oh okay... I gotta admit. I feel kinda silly. You know what I mean?
[Pedals away on the bicycle]


--Jonathan Winters (as Lennie Pike) in It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World

J. Russell Finch: Now I give you my word. I wanted to stop you, he wanted to stop for you. But tell him, tell him how my mother in-law made us drive right by you...
Lennie Pike: Listen, anything you got to say about your mother in-law, you don't have to explain to me. You know what I mean? Like if she were the star of a real crummy horror movie, I'd believe it.


--Jonathan Winters (as Lennie Pike) in It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World

Henry Glenworthy: Listen, I've got to make a little trip over to Beverly Hills... to see a man about a dog.


--Jonathan Winters (as Henry Glenworthy / Rev. Wilbur Glenworthy) in The Loved One

Lennie Pike: [after Smiler Grogan literally kicks the bucket] That guy's dead.


--Jonathan Winters (as Lennie Pike) in It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World

Lennie Pike: [furious] So! So someone will "stumble over the little girl's bicycle in the dark", huh? Well when I'm finished with *you*, they'll be stumbling over *YOU* in the *dark*!


--Jonathan Winters (as Lennie Pike) in It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World

Lennie Pike: *Everybody* pays taxes!- Even businessmen, who rob and cheat and steal from people everyday, even *they* have to pay *taxes*!


--Jonathan Winters (as Lennie Pike) in It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World

Lennie Pike: And then they decide I'm supposed to get a smaller share, like I'm someone extra special stupid. Even if it is a democracy, in a democracy it don't matter how stupid you are, you still get an equal share.


--Jonathan Winters (as Lennie Pike) in It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World