Desk Sergeant: Your pen, Doctor Hassler.
Doctor Hassler: Sorry, Sergeant.
[removes pen from pocket and hands to sergeant]
Doctor Hassler: (joking) Now my plan is ruined. You see, this is not a pen at all. It's a "secret camera".
Desk Sergeant: Better luck next time, Doctor.


--Herbert Lom (as ) in Journey to the Far Side of the Sun

[after Louis has 'dealt' with the Major on the roof']
Professor Marcus: Well, where is he? Where *is* the Major? Is he up there still?
Harry: No, no, he, uh, he come down.
Professor Marcus: Well bring him here!
Harry: He come down... with the chimney-pot.
Professor Marcus: With the chimney- ?
[chuckles]
Professor Marcus: Is he hurt?
Louis: I shouldn't think he felt a thing.


--Herbert Lom (as Louis) in The Ladykillers

[after the men finish eating the giant crab]
Gideon Spilitt: That's the best crab I ever cooked.
Captain Cyrus Harding: We'd be more impressed, Mr. Spilitt, if you'd put it in the pot by yourself.


--Herbert Lom (as ) in Mysterious Island

[finding an unconscious Elena on the shore]
Herbert Brown: She's beautiful.
Captain Cyrus Harding: Better than that, she's alive.


--Herbert Lom (as ) in Mysterious Island

[last lines]
Captain Cyrus Harding: We deeply regretted we could not save the life of the man who had saved ours. A man who dedicated himself to ending strife among men. And when we returned to civilization, we all pledged ourselves to working for a peaceful and bountiful world, as Captain Nemo would have it.


--Herbert Lom (as ) in Mysterious Island

[phone rings; Dreyfus picks it up]
Dreyfus: Commissioner Dreyfus... Ah, yes, my darling... I was just about to call you. I'm on my way. I've got the cheese and the beaujolais... What? [laughs] ... My love. Kiss the children for me... hmm? [intercom buzzes] Hold on. [covers phone mouthpiece; answers intercom] Yes?
intercom: Your wife is on the other line.
Dreyfus: Tell her I'm out of town.


--Herbert Lom (as Charles Dreyfus) in A Shot in the Dark

Dreyfus: [a car bomb has just killed the killers. Dreyfus refers to four other killings] A doorman, two customers, and a Cossack! And now eight more dead!
Clouseau: But they were all murderers, except for Maurice, who was a blackmailer!
Dreyfus:[whimpering] They were saints compared to you!


--Herbert Lom (as Charles Dreyfus) in A Shot in the Dark

Dreyfus: [Makes nervous sounds crossed between chuckles and whimpers] He released her again, and he's taking her out to dinner to dinner. Every paper in Paris has the story, including the Christian Science Monitor; and he gave them the story. You see he claims he's protecting her lover, and the best way to force him into the open is to make him jealous [nervous chuckles] Jealous! That nincompoop, that megalomaniac. He's setting the science of criminal investigation back a thousand years, and I can't do anyting about it.
The Psycho Analyst: Why not?
Dreyfus:Why not? What if he's right?


--Herbert Lom (as Charles Dreyfus) in A Shot in the Dark

Dreyfus: François would you please call for a doctor.
Francois: Are you ill?
Dreyfus: I seem to have stabbed myself with the letter opener.


--Herbert Lom (as Charles Dreyfus) in A Shot in the Dark

Dreyfus: François, I just cut off my thumb.


--Herbert Lom (as Charles Dreyfus) in A Shot in the Dark