Hugh 'Bulldog' Drummond: I've been bored too long. I can't stand it any more. I'm too rich to work, too intelligent to play (much); I tell you, if something doesn't happen within the next few days, I'll explode.
Algy Longworth: I don't know what to suggest, dear old boy, unless you advertised... and you, you can't very well do that, can you?
Hugh 'Bulldog' Drummond: I don't know, I might. I rather think that's an inspiration, Algy, by Jove I do! I didn't know you had it in you. Say, barman, give me a piece of paper and a pencil. Now, let's see: "To the Editor, Personal Column, The Times, London. Demobilized officer, finding peace unbearably tedious..."
Algy Longworth: Dear old boy, you're not serious!
[Dissolve to the printed ad, which continues: "... would welcome any excitement. Legitimate, if possible, but crime of humorous description, no objection."]


--Claud Allister (as Algy Longworth) in Bulldog Drummond

Lord Basil Sheldon: He dances like a one-legged puma.


--Claud Allister (as Lord Basil Sheldon) in Blond Cheat

Sir Giles: Radish so red / Radish so red / Plucked from the heart of your warm little bed / Sprinkle some salt on the top of your head /
[eats radish]
Sir Giles: Delicious.


--Claud Allister (as ) in The Reluctant Dragon

Sir Giles: Uh, the time has come, you know.
The Dragon: [clapping excitedly] You mean... I die now?
Sir Giles: Oh yes indeed. As per-agreed, we'll seal our pact, old thing.
[placing the lance under the Dragon's arm]
Sir Giles: Take that!


--Claud Allister (as ) in The Reluctant Dragon

The Great Man: [to an Englishman who has a limp in his walk] Whatsa matter? Did you sprain your ankle?
Bitten Englishman: No, no, no. A dog bit, bit me.
The Great Man: Oh.
Bitten Englishman: Yeah, I was playing, uh, croquet and I, and I dropped my mallet. And, uh, a little dachshund ran straight out and uh, and, and grabbed me by the fetlock.
[Bending over to point to his ankle]
The Great Man: Oh.
[Looking BEHIND him in the bent-over position]
The Great Man: Rather fortunate it wasn't a Newfoundland dog that bit you.
Bitten Englishman: Uh, yes, rahther.
The Great Man: Yeah.
Bitten Englishman: I suppose so.


--Claud Allister (as ) in Never Give a Sucker an Even Break

Mr. Toad: A motorcar! Gad... what have I been missing?
[Toad, having just seen a motorcar go by him, is so enraptured by it that he starts making noises and moving around like a car]
Mole: Ratty! It isn't. He hasn't!
Rat: It is, and he has it: a new mania. Motor mania!


--Claud Allister (as Rat) in The Adventures of Ichabod and Mr. Toad

Mole: Ratty, is isn't... he hasn't...
Rat: It is, and he has. A new mania: motor mania.


--Claud Allister (as Rat) in The Adventures of Ichabod and Mr. Toad

[Rat and Mole have interrupted Toad's rampage with Cyril and the cart]
Rat: Toad, we want to have a talk with you.
Mr. Toad: Oh, a visit? Splendid.
Rat: Toad, this is serious. You've got to give up that horse and cart.
Mr. Toad: [in disbelief] Give up my... Oh, but my dear Ratty, this is my career. Surely, you can't mean it.
Rat: I do mean it. You've got to stop this foolishness.
Mr. Toad: No.
Rat: You must!
Mr. Toad: No, I won't do it!
Rat: Your reckless is behavior is giving us animals a bad name.
Mr. Toad: I won't listen to anything!
[he covers his ears and everything Rat says is softened, but whenever he removes his hands from his ears, Rat speaks louder]
Rat: Your thoughts are becoming a menace to society. If you won't think of yourself, then think of poor old MacBadger. And as for that horse, no good could ever come from galloping about with such a fast and irresponsible beast.
[when he hears this last part, Cyril covers his ears with his ears. Toad laughs]


--Claud Allister (as Rat) in The Adventures of Ichabod and Mr. Toad