The Honorable Hiram J. Sellers, Mayor: By the power invested in me, I appoint you Deputy Sheriff. I hope you don't live to regret it.

The Honorable Hiram J. Sellers, Mayor: Deliver the prisoner at ten o'clock - Decker's Saloon. It's the only place in town big enough to hold a trial.

Phil Decker: The only law I believe in is the law of self-preservation.

Doc Curtis: Ever seen any spots before your eyes?
Tom Destry: Only when I play poker.
Doc Curtis: They're the worst kind.

Doc Curtis: Take off your shirt.
Tom Destry: There's nothing wrong with me, Doc.
Doc Curtis: I know - you're not married.

[Destry digs bullets out of the saloon wall]
Phil Decker: What are you doing?
Tom Destry: I forgot to tell you about a hobby of mine. I collect old, used bullets

[Destry is checking all the saloon patron's guns]
The Honorable Hiram J. Sellers, Mayor: I'm like you, I never carry a gun. I prefer a bow and arrow.

[last lines]
Tom Destry: Which reminds me of a book I read once. It was all about a fellow and a girl - they had the doggonedest time gettin' together. Oh, it wasn't her fault. It wasn't exactly his fault, either. It was just a whole lot of mix-ups kept 'em apart. One day, this fella...
Martha Phillips: You know something? You read too many books!
[they embrace]
Tom Destry: Yeah. But there comes a time when a fella just has to stop readin' so much.