Mr. Murdock: Sixty-two pages of drawings and no blood? Not even an itsy-bitsy nosebleed? But suffering catfish, do you call this a Murdock Book for Kiddies with no stranglings, with no decapitations? Where are they?


--Eddie Mayehoff (as ) in Artists and Models

Mr. Murdock: You see that little window back there, boy?
Eugene Fullstack: Yes, sir.
Mr. Murdock: Open it a little, then jump.


--Eddie Mayehoff (as ) in Artists and Models

Stanley Ford: Here you are in the prime of life. A handsome figure of a man, successful in business, adored by one and all. In fact, it could be said that you had it made, except for the one thing.
Harold Lampson: I'm a lousy lawyer, huh?
Stanley Ford: [scoffs] No, you're married.
Harold Lampson: Yeah, but being married is the normal way to live. Isn't it?
Stanley Ford: Who says so?
Harold Lampson: Edna?
Stanley Ford: Oh Harold, I think you've been brainwashed. You're missing a very important point: marriage is not a basic fact of nature, it's an invention. It's like the infield fly rule; it exists only because the women say so and like idiots we just go following right along.
Harold Lampson: Uh...no, no, no, uh, Stan, I don't know what I would do without Edna. She...she...she plans the meals, sends my shirts to the laundry...
Stanley Ford: [interrupting] Harold, you're making another basic common masculine mistake: you're confusing love and laundry.
Harold Lampson: [rubbing the side of his face] Love and laundry, ay?


--Eddie Mayehoff (as Harold Lampson) in How to Murder Your Wife