Gracie Allen

Gracie Allen
(as Gracie Martin)

Gracie Martin: [seeing Doris Worthington in a pit] We just caught Tarzan's mate!
George Martin: Tarzan is a character in a book.
Gracie Martin: Well, maybe he got out!

Gracie Allen

Gracie Allen
(as Gracie Martin)

Gracie Martin: My uncle is a hunter.
George Martin: I'd rather not hear about it.
Gracie Martin: My uncle always goes out duck hunting. Now, Monday he takes four dogs, and Tuesday he takes three dogs, and Wednesday...
George Martin: Gracie! Gracie, why does he take four dogs Monday and three dogs Tuesday?
Gracie Martin: Well, because the other dog won't follow him on Tuesday.
George Martin: Why?
Gracie Martin: Because he shot him on Monday.
George Martin: Nice work. He aims at little innocent birds and shoots dogs.
Gracie Martin: Yeah, all except one dog. His favorite dog. His name is Scram.
George Martin: Your uncle's name is Scram?
Gracie Martin: Oh stop, no, the *dog's* name is Scram. You see, that saves my uncle a lot of money calling him Scram.
George Martin: Because the dog's name is Scram that saves your uncle a lot of money?
Gracie Martin: For sure. You see, when he calls the dog to feed, he hollers "Scram, Scram" and the dog runs away.

Gracie Allen

Gracie Allen
(as Gracie Martin)

George Martin: [watching through binoculars] Gracie, my gun! A bird!
Gracie Martin: What?
George Martin: A bird! A bird!
Gracie Martin: O, my goodness. Here.
[hands him a live duck]
George Martin: Not a duck. My gun! How can you shoot with a duck?
Gracie Martin: Well, my father used to shoot ducks. But maybe that duck wasn't loaded, eh?
George Martin: The duck wasn't loaded but I'd like to bet that your father was.
Gracie Martin: Well, if he wasn't then why did the duck shoot my father because I always thought...
George Martin: Quiet! Quiet! Well, I missed him. He's gone and that was a stratospheric duck and very rare.
Gracie Martin: Well, I am just as glad that you missed him because I don't like rare ducks. I like my ducks well-done.
Gracie Martin: Now, take my uncle.
George Martin: *You* take your uncle.
Gracie Martin: They did.

Bing Crosby

Bing Crosby
(as Stephen Jones)

Doris Worthington: I suppose that you're taking me to a fate worse than death?
Stephen Jones: How do you now it's worse than death? Have you ever died?

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