Youngman Grand, Esq.:
Dad, do you think words corrupt?
Sir Guy Grand KG, KC, CBE: I don't know, let's try. Agnes?
Dame Agnes Grand: [looks up from the television] Yes?
Sir Guy Grand KG, KC, CBE: Nipple.
Dame Agnes Grand: Shh!
[turns back to the television]
Sir Guy Grand KG, KC, CBE: [watches her a moment] Well, there's no immediate physical change.
Sir Guy Grand KG, KC, CBE: I don't know, let's try. Agnes?
Dame Agnes Grand: [looks up from the television] Yes?
Sir Guy Grand KG, KC, CBE: Nipple.
Dame Agnes Grand: Shh!
[turns back to the television]
Sir Guy Grand KG, KC, CBE: [watches her a moment] Well, there's no immediate physical change.
Youngman Grand, Esq.:
You're certainly puttin' everybody on today, Dad.
Sir Guy Grand KG, KC, CBE: Well, you know, Youngman, sometimes it's not enough merely to teach. One has to punish as well. A little bit of the old pause.
Youngman Grand, Esq.: Cause for pause?
Sir Guy Grand KG, KC, CBE: Yes.
Sir Guy Grand KG, KC, CBE: Well, you know, Youngman, sometimes it's not enough merely to teach. One has to punish as well. A little bit of the old pause.
Youngman Grand, Esq.: Cause for pause?
Sir Guy Grand KG, KC, CBE: Yes.
Traffic warden #27:
What's your game, Mister?
Sir Guy Grand KG, KC, CBE: [riffling a wad of bills under the warden's nose, to persuade him to eat a parking ticket] Grand is the name, and, uh - money is the game. Would you care to play?
Sir Guy Grand KG, KC, CBE: [riffling a wad of bills under the warden's nose, to persuade him to eat a parking ticket] Grand is the name, and, uh - money is the game. Would you care to play?
Ginger Horton:
Ah! My Second World War Nazi atrocity book came at last.
[turns to Youngman, dog in her lap, and browses the book]
Ginger Horton: Do you know what Bitsy and I do? We sit down and imagine all those atrocities being done to sex criminals. - Yes, sex criminals and the like. And that Dr Thorndike!
Sir Guy Grand KG, KC, CBE: [overhearing] What's that, Ginge? Bill Thorndike a sexy criminal?
Ginger Horton: The man you sent me to. He behaved VERY strangely.
[turns to Youngman, dog in her lap, and browses the book]
Ginger Horton: Do you know what Bitsy and I do? We sit down and imagine all those atrocities being done to sex criminals. - Yes, sex criminals and the like. And that Dr Thorndike!
Sir Guy Grand KG, KC, CBE: [overhearing] What's that, Ginge? Bill Thorndike a sexy criminal?
Ginger Horton: The man you sent me to. He behaved VERY strangely.
Hamlet:
[Laurence Harvey, onstage] "To be..."
Youngman Grand, Esq.: [loud enough to be heard, turning to Sir Guy] I've seen it.
Hamlet: "Or not to be... that is the question."
Youngman Grand, Esq.: Shakespeare, right?
Sir Guy Grand KG, KC, CBE: [whispers, eyes toward the stage] Right, and double right.
Youngman Grand, Esq.: [loud enough to be heard, turning to Sir Guy] I've seen it.
Hamlet: "Or not to be... that is the question."
Youngman Grand, Esq.: Shakespeare, right?
Sir Guy Grand KG, KC, CBE: [whispers, eyes toward the stage] Right, and double right.
Hon. Esther Grand:
[as all hell breaks loose, aboard the Magic Christian] Youngman, what IS going on?
Youngman Grand, Esq.: [innocently] Ship's concert, I shouldn't wonder.
Youngman Grand, Esq.: [innocently] Ship's concert, I shouldn't wonder.
Sir Guy Grand KG, KC, CBE:
[a police car drives up to Grand's car] Could be routine, or... mere damnable harassment.
Sir Guy Grand KG, KC, CBE:
[as he and Youngman admire a painting] I like school of Rembrandt.
Youngman Grand, Esq.: St. Rembrandt's High.
Youngman Grand, Esq.: St. Rembrandt's High.
Sir Guy Grand KG, KC, CBE:
[Lawrence Harvey performs a strip tease while playing Hamlet] This chap's taking licence in my view?
Sir Guy Grand KG, KC, CBE:
[speaking with the Oxford crew, before the annual Boat Race] We have come here, in fact, to make you a very interesting offer...
Youngman Grand, Esq.: ...of money.
Oxford crew: [as the whole crew laughs] I think... I think they're trying to bribe us!
Oxford coach: [giving a matter-of-fact look] They ARE.
Youngman Grand, Esq.: ...of money.
Oxford crew: [as the whole crew laughs] I think... I think they're trying to bribe us!
Oxford coach: [giving a matter-of-fact look] They ARE.
