Muggsy: Positively the same dame!

Gerald: I can't understand how the horse ran fifth!
Jean Harrington: There were only five horses in the race. What do you expect when you bet on a goat called "After You?"

Jean Harrington: [while observing Charles Pike from her pocket mirror] Not good enough... I said they're not good enough for him. Every Jane in the room is giving him the thermometer and he feels they're just a waste of time. He's returning to his book, he's deeply immersed in it. He sees no one except - watch his head turn when that kid goes by. Won't do you any good, dear, he's a bookworm, but swing 'em anyway. Oh, now how about this one. How would you like that hanging on your Christmas tree? Oh you wouldn't? Well, what is your weakness, brother? Holy smoke, the dropped kerchief! That hasn't been used since Lily Langtry. You'll have to pick it up yourself, madam. It's a shame, but he doesn't care for the flesh. He'll never see it. Look at that girl over to his left. Look over to your left, bookworm. There's a girl pining for ya. A little further. Just a little further... There! Wasn't that worth looking for? See those nice store teeth all beaming at you. Oh, she recognizes you! She's up, she's down, she can't make up her mind. She's up again. She recognizes you! She's coming over to speak to you. The suspense is killing me. "Why, for heaven's sake, aren't you Fuzzy Oathammer I went to manual training school with in Louisville? Oh you're not? Well, you certainly look exactly like him, it's certainly a remarkable resemblance... But if you're not going to ask me to sit down, I suppose you're not going to ask me to sit down... I'm very sorry, I certainly hope I haven't caused you any embarrassment, you so and so." "I wonder if my tie's on straight. I certainly upset them, don't I? Now who else is after me?" Ah, the lady champion wrestler, wouldn't she make a houseful? Oh, you don't like her either. Well, what are you going to do about her? Oh, you just can't stand it anymore, you're leaving. These women don't give you a moment's peace, do they? Well, go ahead! Go sulk in your cabin. Go soak your head and see if I care!

Jean Harrington: I need him like the ax needs the turkey.

Jean Harrington: See anything you like?

Jean Harrington: They say a moonlit deck is a woman's business office.

Jean Harrington: What were you doing up the Amazon?
Charles Pike: Looking for snakes. I'm an ophiologist.
Jean Harrington: I thought you were in the beer business.
Charles Pike: Beer? *Ale!*
Jean Harrington: What's the difference?
Charles Pike: Between beer and ale?
Jean Harrington: Yes.
Charles Pike: My father'd burst a blood vessel if he heard you say that. There's a big difference. Ale's sort of fermented on the top or something, and beer's fermented on the bottom, or maybe it's the other way around. There's no similarity at all. You see, the trouble with being descended from a brewer, no matter how long ago he brewered, or whatever you call it, you're supposed to know all about something you don't give a hoot about.

Jean Harrington: You see Hopsi, you don't know very much about girls. The best ones aren't as good as you think they are and the bad ones aren't as bad. Not nearly as bad.

Charles Pike: [unaware he has been targeted by a gang of card sharks] Have you seen this one?
[performs childish sleight-of-hand trick]
Jean Harrington: Look, he does card tricks!

Charles Pike: A girl of sixteen is practically an idiot anyway, so I can't very well blame you for something that was practically done by somebody else.