Jerry Lewis

Jerry Lewis

Al Crowthers: How many fights have ya had all together?
Melvin Jones: [Talking loudly in a punchy boxer's voice in order to frighten his opponent] Oh, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah...
[Al hits him']
Melvin Jones: When ya add 'em up together now, I had 101 fights.
Al Crowthers: Yup!
Melvin Jones: Oh, 101! I win 'em all but 100!

Jerry Lewis

Jerry Lewis

Naval Doctor: [Unable to find a heartbeat] Be a good boy now and tell the doctor where your heart is.
Melvin Jones: You'll find out. I'm no stool pigeon.

Robert Strauss

Robert Strauss

Melvin Jones: Excuse me, handsome.
CPO Lardoski: Where do you get that handsome stuff?
Melvin Jones: Didn't I hear that man call you a pretty officer?
CPO Lardoski: [Growling] He said, "Petty officer."
[Melvin sticks his tongue out at him behind his back]

Jerry Lewis

Jerry Lewis

Melvin Jones: There's no basis for metabolism, certain unaware of the fact that there are other men concerned here, and you still can't feel that a physical being is abstract. You've got to base the full heart and soul on the ingredients that other people are aware of the fact that physical being is isn't even evolved. Isn't that right?

Jerry Lewis

Jerry Lewis

Melvin Jones: Why d'ya put the bandage on my hand before ya put the gloves on?
Al Crowthers: So when you hit'm, you won't break your knuckles.
Melvin Jones: Why don't you put some on my shoes so I won't wear them out from running away from him?


Jerry Lewis

Jerry Lewis

Melvin Jones: Why, I was fighting Gene Tierney once, and...
Al Crowthers: Wait a minute! Don't you mean Gene Tunney?
Melvin Jones: [shouts] You fight who you want, I'll fight who I want!

Jerry Lewis

Jerry Lewis

Hilda Jones: Everybody should donate to the blood bank. What type are you?
Melvin Jones: Oh, the quiet type. I go to bed at nine o'clock, see a movie now and then, read some books, play checkers...
Hilda Jones: No! I mean what kind of blood have you?
Melvin Jones: Red.

GourmetGiftBaskets.com