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W.C. Fields

W.C. Fields
(as Harold Bissonette)

Everett: I told him I wouldn't do it if I was him.
Harold: You told him you wouldn't do it if you was him. Get him outta here!
W.C. Fields

W.C. Fields
(as Harold Bissonette)

Harold: Ah, crackers. Good old crackers. That was a smart thing of me to bring those crackers along, wasn't it?
W.C. Fields

W.C. Fields
(as Harold Bissonette)

Harold: Sufferin' sciatica!
Kathleen Howard

Kathleen Howard
(as Amelia Bissonette)

Harold: This sun dial is ten minutes slow.
Amelia: Yes, the sun is wrong but your watch is right, of course.
W.C. Fields

W.C. Fields
(as Harold Bissonette)

Harold: Vegetable man? Vegetable gentleman?
W.C. Fields

W.C. Fields
(as Harold Bissonette)

Amelia: Harold!
Harold: Don't argue with them, dear, they're beneath our dignity.
Kathleen Howard

Kathleen Howard
(as Amelia Bissonette)

Amelia: Now look what you've done!
Harold: She ran right in front of the car!
Amelia: It's a statue, you idiot.
W.C. Fields

W.C. Fields
(as Harold Bissonette)

Amelia: Seems pretty strange someone would call you from a maternity hospital in the middle of the night.
Harold: They didn't call me from a maternity hospital. They called thinking this was the maternity hospital.
W.C. Fields

W.C. Fields
(as Harold Bissonette)

Insurance Salesman: Do you know a man by the name of LaFong? Carl LaFong? Capital L, small a, Capital F, small o, small n, small g. LaFong. Carl LaFong.
Harold: No, I don't know Carl LaFong - capital L, small a, capital F, small o, small n, small g. And if I did know Carl LaFong, I wouldn't admit it!
W.C. Fields

W.C. Fields
(as Harold Bissonette)

Insurance Salesman: How old are you?
Harold: None of your business.
Insurance Salesman: I'd say you were a man about 50.
Harold: You would say that.
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