Jonathan Winters
(as Police Sgt. Jasper Lynch / Mother Lynch)
Golda:
[at police headquarters] What kind of a third degree is THIS? Here I was, looking forward to something, and what do I get? No light in my eyes. All the water I want. No rubber hose. You haven't even hit me with a folded newspaper. Talk about police brutality!
Police Sgt. Jasper Lynch: Lieutenant, we'll never get her to talk if she won't stop talking.
Police Sgt. Jasper Lynch: Lieutenant, we'll never get her to talk if she won't stop talking.
Phyllis Diller
(as Golda)
Golda:
You know, there's something sick about being so honest.
Henry Dimsdale: You think I'm happy about it? But I gotta think about the kids. I got to set an example for 'em to follow.
Golda: Some example! They'll grow up and try to become idiots.
Henry Dimsdale: You think I'm happy about it? But I gotta think about the kids. I got to set an example for 'em to follow.
Golda: Some example! They'll grow up and try to become idiots.
Bob Hope
(as Henry Dimsdale)
Ellie Barton:
But I want to be with you.
Henry Dimsdale: Yeah, but they wouldn't put me in a women's prison.
Henry Dimsdale: Yeah, but they wouldn't put me in a women's prison.
Jill St. John
(as Monica)
Monica:
Where you going?
Mr. Pomeroy: Back to my wife. I can't stand her but at least she's loyal.
Monica: Hm! You just can't trust a married man.
Mr. Pomeroy: Back to my wife. I can't stand her but at least she's loyal.
Monica: Hm! You just can't trust a married man.
Bob Hope
(as Henry Dimsdale)
Henry Dimsdale:
[driving] Hey, I'll cut over and go up the on-ramp.
Ellie Barton: The freeway? Won't it be easy to recognize us?
Henry Dimsdale: Not up there. Everybody drives like a fugitive.
Ellie Barton: The freeway? Won't it be easy to recognize us?
Henry Dimsdale: Not up there. Everybody drives like a fugitive.
Bob Hope
(as Henry Dimsdale)
Henry Dimsdale:
[finding $10,000] Poor guy who lost this doesn't get it back, he'll empty his swimming pool and dive in.
Bob Hope
(as Henry Dimsdale)
Henry Dimsdale:
[to Golda] Listen, I don't mind you having a little snack, but with your appetite I have to keep counting the kids around here.
Phyllis Diller
(as Golda)
Henry Dimsdale:
[to himself] All I have to do now is figure out what I have to do now.
Golda: [butting in] Get out of town.
Henry Dimsdale: Hey, how do you know what happened?
Golda: I've got wall-to-wall ears.
Golda: [butting in] Get out of town.
Henry Dimsdale: Hey, how do you know what happened?
Golda: I've got wall-to-wall ears.
Bob Hope
(as Henry Dimsdale)
Bob Hope
(as Henry Dimsdale)
Henry Dimsdale:
But, Marty, you believe me, don't ya?
Marty: Of course. You're not bright enough to steal fifty thousand dollars.
Henry Dimsdale: FIFTY thousand dollars?
Marty: Of course. You're not bright enough to steal fifty thousand dollars.
Henry Dimsdale: FIFTY thousand dollars?
