Tom Destry: Aren't you afraid you'll catch cold?
Brandy: I needed some fresh air.
Tom Destry: You ought to get plenty of it in that outfit.

Tom Destry: Do you have the authority to swear me in as Deputy?
The Honorable Hiram J. Sellers, Mayor: I thought that had already been taken care of.
Tom Destry: Seems like it kind of got overlooked and I think it ought to be done before I start work.
The Honorable Hiram J. Sellers, Mayor: Well, I'll be glad to help you son. The moment I laid eye on you I figured you was the right man for the job.
Tom Destry: Sort of the way I figured it, too.
The Honorable Hiram J. Sellers, Mayor: Besides, like the fellow said, if anything goes wrong, it's your funeral.

Tom Destry: Everytime I start asking questions, the people kind of look vague and sort of drift away.
The Honorable Hiram J. Sellers, Mayor: What kind of questions?
Tom Destry: Oh, just ordinary things. Like what really happened to Sheriff Bailey?
The Honorable Hiram J. Sellers, Mayor: I knew a fella once who made himself real unpopular asking questions. It got so nobody talked to him. He died lonely. You might keep that in mind.

Tom Destry: Folks, I hate to interrupt your fun, but I got something important to say to you. I just found out how Sheriff Bailey died.
Phil Decker: I understood Bailey died of a heart attack.
Tom Destry: That seems to be the rumor around town. If he did die of a heart attack, that's because he heard a bullet coming at him.

Tom Destry: I bet you got a beautiful face underneath all that paint. Why don't you wipe it off someday and take a look at it. You might be surprised.

Tom Destry: Now you get this straight! We don't want anymore of this promiscuous shooting aournd here. Somebody is likely to get hurt!

Tom Destry: What about the Doc? Is he any good?
Reginald T. 'Rags' Barnaby: I had a dog once. He got all swelled up. Doc wanted to operate. The next day I had six of the prettiest puppies you've ever seen.

Tom Destry: You know, I don't hold too much for first impressions. The way I figure it, the last impression is important.

Tom Destry: You make an exception in one case, you may as well not have the law. You can understand that, can't you?
Eli Skinner: I guess, I'm not old enough to understand anything like that.
Tom Destry: Well, you'll probably never get old enough to understand a woman.

The Honorable Hiram J. Sellers, Mayor: As the poet says, "Life is real, life is earnest and the goal is but the grave." Or words to that affect. It is my sorrowful duty to inform you that one of our fellow townsmen has just made that goal. Our esteemed sheriff, Joseph Bailey, is no longer with us. In the absence of other officials, and in the interest of law and order, and in accordance with ordinance number eight thousand and, ah, six-five-four, I must appoint a temporary successor. I have considered this matter seriously, and sought the advice of prominent citizens. I have decided to appoint a sheriff, a man who is not without experience as a peace officer. A man you all love and respect, Mr... ah, what's his name again?