Schatze Page: You wanna catch a mouse, you set a mouse trap. All right so we set a bear trap. Now all we gotta do, is one of us has got to catch a bear.
Loco Dempsey: You mean marry him?
Schatze Page: If you don't marry him, you haven't caught him, he's caught you.

Bilge Smith: So that's why you joined the navy -- you thought a torpedo would be easier to dodge than the shotgun.

Dr. Ilse Nordstrom: Tell me, Jerry, why are you so unhappy?
Jerry Morgan: [regressed to when he was five-years-old] Because my mummy and daddy are always fighting and yelling and screaming at each other and throwing things and everything.
Dr. Ilse Nordstrom: And why do they do that?
Jerry Morgan: They have to - they're married.

Eugene: May I remind you that New York is full of great restaurants, very few of which serve peanut butter. For a buck and a half an hour, the dishes will disappear. And as for companionship, well I have a little black book with the names and phone numbers of 111 models. Bachelorhood is the ideal state for a man. Marriage, little Miss Stacy, is an institution sponsored by women for women.

Edgar Bergen: I have hopes of being your son-in-law.
Larson E. Whipsnade: With you, hope springs eternal.

Roger Bel: Father, father, I'm going to get married!
Mr. Archibald Bel-Goodie: Why?

Richard Nugent: Could we do this some other time? I've got a date.
Susan: Then you're not married?
Richard Nugent: No.
Susan: I knew you weren't. You just couldn't be.
Richard Nugent: Oh I've had some offers.

Wilma Cameron: You wrote me that when you got home, you and I were going to be married. If you wrote that once, you wrote it a hundred times. Isn't that true?
Homer Parrish: Yes, but things are different now.
Wilma Cameron: Have you changed your mind?
Homer Parrish: Have I said anything about changing my mind?
Wilma Cameron: No. That's just it. You haven't said anything about anything... I don't know what to think, Homer. All I know is, I was in love with you when you left and I'm in love with you now. Other things may have changed but that hasn't.

Anna Held: [on the phone with Ziegfeld after learning of his marriage to Billie Burke] Hello, Flo... Yes. Here's Anna... I'm so happy for you today, I could not help calling you and congratulate you... Wonderful, Flo! Never better in my whole life!... I'm so excited about my new plans! I'm going to Paris... Yes, for a few weeks, and then I can get back, and then I'm doing a new show, and... Oh, it's all so wonderful! I'm so happy!... Yes... And I hope you are happy, too... Yes?... Oh, I'm so glad for you, Flo... Sounds funny for ex-husband and ex-wife to tell how happy they are, oui?... Yes, Flo... Goodbye, Flo... Goodbye...
[She hangs up]
Anna Held: Darling...
[she falls to her bed, sobbing]
Marie: My poor, petite! If you love him so, why did you divorce him?
Anna Held: Because I thought it would bring him back to me. I was sure that it would bring him back to me.
[she cries]