Balukjiaan: Look how everybody's worried. Why worry? He asked us to come, we came. If he wants to do business, we do business. If he doesn't want to do business, we don't do business. Right?
Merchant businessman: Not right. Wrong. Wrong. What do we have to sell? Food. Since when does the Chief of Intelligence buy food for the Army?
Balukjiaan: Don't make me nervous.


--Zero Mostel (as ) in Sirocco

Max Bialystock: [on "Springtime For Hitler"] ... It's practically a love-letter to Hitler!
Leo Bloom: Wow. This play wouldn't run a NIGHT!
Max Bialystock: A night? Are you kidding? This play's guaranteed to close on PAGE FOUR!


--Zero Mostel (as Max Bialystock) in The Producers

Max Bialystock: [reading post-show telegrams] "Congratulations! Hitler will run forever."


--Zero Mostel (as Max Bialystock) in The Producers

Max Bialystock: [smiling at Leo to calm him down] Well you know what they say, 'smile and the world smiles with you'
[looks at audience]
Max Bialystock: this man should be in a straight-jacket


--Zero Mostel (as Max Bialystock) in The Producers

Max Bialystock: Bloom, I'm drowning. Other men sail through life, Bialystock has struck a reef. Bloom, I'm going under. I'm condemned by a society that demands success when all I can offer is failure. Bloom, I'm reaching out to you. Don't send me to prison... HEEELLP!


--Zero Mostel (as Max Bialystock) in The Producers

Max Bialystock: Don't you see, darling Bloom, glorious Bloom? It's so simple. STEP ONE: We find the worst play ever written, a surefire flop. STEP TWO: I raise a million bucks. Lots of little old ladies out there. STEP THREE: You go back to work on the books, two of them - one for the government, one for us. You can do it, Bloom; you're a wizard! STEP FOUR: We open on Broadway. And before you can say STEP FIVE, we *close* on Broadway! STEP SIX: We take our million bucks and fly to *Rio!*


--Zero Mostel (as Max Bialystock) in The Producers

Max Bialystock: Have I ever steered you wrong?
Franz Liebkind: Always.
Max Bialystock: Never mind.


--Zero Mostel (as Max Bialystock) in The Producers

Max Bialystock: How could this happen? I was so careful. I picked the wrong play, the wrong director, the wrong cast. Where did I go right?


--Zero Mostel (as Max Bialystock) in The Producers

Max Bialystock: Leo, he who hesitates is poor!


--Zero Mostel (as Max Bialystock) in The Producers

Max Bialystock: Max Bialystock is launching himself into little old lady land.


--Zero Mostel (as Max Bialystock) in The Producers