Max: I shall miss all of you. I shall miss the money I could have made with you!


--Richard Haydn (as Max Detweiler) in The Sound of Music

Max: The Von Trapp Family Singers. Here are your names: Liesl, Friedrich, Louisa, Brigitta, Kurt, Marta and Gretl.
Gretl: Why am I always last?
Max: Because you are the most important.


--Richard Haydn (as Max Detweiler) in The Sound of Music

Thomas Rogers: [Responding when the others want to give him a key] Shove it
[pause]
Thomas Rogers: under the door, sir.


--Richard Haydn (as Thomas Rogers) in And Then There Were None

Thomas Rogers: Never in my life have I been accused of any crime, sir - and if that's what you think of me, I shan't serve any dinner.


--Richard Haydn (as Thomas Rogers) in And Then There Were None

[talking about pink lemonade]
The Baroness: Not too sweet, not too sour.
Max: Just too, uh... pink.


--Richard Haydn (as Max Detweiler) in The Sound of Music

[the balloon is about to land in the middle of the jungle]
Sir Henry Vining: It's a forest full of trees!


--Richard Haydn (as Sir Henry Vining) in Five Weeks in a Balloon

Alfred North: [Quoting from Larry Mackay's drama review, in which Mackay has "pre-reviewed" his wife's upcoming play] He says the Hooton Players are charming - particularly their leading lady - but they're wasting time on a twenty-year old play written by a man with no talent for writing plays - namely, himself.
Alfred North: [Now reading directly from Mackay's article] "It was rejected by every Broadway producer in terms so outraged, that I determined never to write another one, thus saving myself years of futile effort and frustration."
Alfred North: Here comes the cherry on the banana split:
Alfred North: [resumes reading from Mackay's article] "I have been under attack of late by my near and dear for what they consider my cruelty as a critic. But this glimpse of my past monstrosity has made me so grateful to those *I* once thought cruel, that I shall go on yelling "Tripe," whenever tripe is served."... Well, we certainly taught HIM a lesson!
Kate Robinson Mackay: This whole nonsensical thing is costing me everything important in my life... Do you think he'll come to the performance?
Alfred North: [Once again reads directly from the article] "Tonight when the curtain rises on "So Passion Dies" I shall be far, far away. And, dear reader, may I wish you the same good fortune."


--Richard Haydn (as Alfred North) in Please Don't Eat the Daisies

Alfred North: For a critic that first step is the first printed joke. It gets a laugh and a whole new world opens up. He makes another joke, and another. And then one day along comes a joke that shouldn't be made because the show he's reviewing is a good show. But, as it so happens, it's a good joke. And you know what? The joke wins.


--Richard Haydn (as Alfred North) in Please Don't Eat the Daisies