Banjo: Did you ever have the feeling that you wanted to go, and still have the feeling that you wanted to stay?


--Jimmy Durante (as Banjo) in The Man Who Came to Dinner

Breezy Albright: Something's happened to me. I can't getcha outta my mind.
Ginger Burton: Well, calm down, I'm only a woman.
Breezy Albright: Yet regardless of that fact, I still feel drawn to ya.


--Jimmy Durante (as ) in The Milkman

Cornelius J. Courtney: Folks, this is your pal, Cornelius J. Courtney, tellin' you that this program is brought to you by that nationally famous head cold remedy "Nose Posse." Aaahh! Manufactured, endorsed by that benefactor of humanity, Thomas Summerville. Ah, that most delicate of organisms, the nose, the snoozle, the proboscus, let Nose Posse guard it for you. It deserves that protection - take it from me, a man who knows his noses. At-chaaa! And now, after a brief pause for station identification, Gene Autry will present this week's thrilling drama of the sagebrush, "The Sagebrush."


--Jimmy Durante (as Cornelius J. Courtney) in Melody Ranch

Cornelius J. Courtney: Hey, Gene. Listen, I've been thinking it over, and I think maybe I ought to go with the others on the bus.
Gene Autry: Oh no you don't. Get up on that horse and shut up.
Cornelius J. Courtney: But, Gene...
Gene Autry: Remember, this was your idea.
Cornelius J. Courtney: I'd forgotten.


--Jimmy Durante (as Cornelius J. Courtney) in Melody Ranch

Jimmy Clayton: What is it, Pop?
William J. 'Pop' Shea: It's for Betsy. Perhaps you could come back tomorrow morning?
Detective: Sorry, old man, I don't like this any more than you do, but I got to take her back tonight.
Jimmy Clayton: But you can't take Betsy back to the orphan asylum! Know why? 'Cause Betsy ain't here! She's down south in dear old Dixie.
Flossie: Sure, visiting with my folks.
Jimmy Clayton: Oh, I wish I was in Dixie! Away, away!
Detective: Hey, are you crazy?
Jimmy Clayton: Yeah! Uh, no! You see, we don't want to lose Betsy. That's why I lied to you. She's up in her room.


--Jimmy Durante (as ) in Little Miss Broadway

Jimmy Clayton: You call this hospitality? I'll take it up with Emily Post!


--Jimmy Durante (as ) in Little Miss Broadway

Nick Lombardi: A girl is what you should get first. Then if you don't get anything else, you've still got her.


--Jimmy Durante (as Nick Lombardi) in It Happened in Brooklyn

Nick Lombardi: She likes you. She thinks you're stupefying.


--Jimmy Durante (as Nick Lombardi) in It Happened in Brooklyn

Ptomaine: [looking at a plus-sized Italian girl on a boat] What big eyes you have, Grandma!


--Jimmy Durante (as ) in Hell Below

[after hitting a high note in the song, "Inka Dinka Doo"]
Billy Kipp: That note was given to me by Bing Crosby, and was he glad to get rid of it.


--Jimmy Durante (as ) in Two Girls and a Sailor