Ben Beck: [as Bill Abbott approaches yet another pretty girl] There he goes. Out of the frying pan, into the frying pan!


--Jackie Gleason (as Ben Beck, Bass Player) in Orchestra Wives

Jack Griffith: How sweet it is!


--Jackie Gleason (as ) in Papa's Delicate Condition

Minnesota Fats: Big John, do you think this boy is a hustler?


--Jackie Gleason (as Minnesota Fats) in The Hustler

Minnesota Fats: Do you like to gamble, Eddie? Gamble money on pool games?


--Jackie Gleason (as Minnesota Fats) in The Hustler

Oliver Poe: [enters office followed by auditioning hippy band, removes his ear plugs, and points to studio room door] What idiot group is in here?
Poe's Secretary: The new one, The Comfortable Chair.
Oliver Poe: I got to get me one of those.
[enters studio room]
Oliver Poe: Wait a minute! What are you doing? Number one it sounds like music. I understand every word you're saying. Come on get with it!


--Jackie Gleason (as Oliver Poe) in How to Commit Marriage

Oliver Poe: [sees that Baba Ziba offers his employee the star suite] I don't understand, you're giving a menial the star dressing room?
The Baba Ziba: It is written that when the most humble enjoy the fruit then the wealthy become richer giving energy to those with all the benevolence upo,n and therefore to substantiate gives them the up-liberty for we, and the development of those that the umbilical upon those who we, and therefore many times over.
Oliver Poe: Superior wisdom... from a superior mind.
[rolls his eyes in disbelief]


--Jackie Gleason (as Oliver Poe) in How to Commit Marriage

Oliver Poe: [smoking a cigarette in church] I'm the victim's father.
Reverend Dempster: [greeting Laverne] This must be Mrs. Poe.
Oliver Poe: No, but she's auditioning.


--Jackie Gleason (as Oliver Poe) in How to Commit Marriage

Oliver Poe: [spots the recently divorced Benson's with their respective dates, at his standing room only nightclub, dressed like hippies] Well, look who just came in... split-city. I think I'll go over and deflate some egos.
Laverne Baker: Now, Oliver, don't cause any trouble.
Oliver Poe: [with glee] Me? Trouble? Preposterous!
Oliver Poe: [walks over to Benson's table] Who are you supposed to be Sambo's mother?
Frank Benson: Look Flabberino, why don't you leave and make room for like six more tables?
Oliver Poe: Sold any mud, lately? Well, well, well. One big happy family. I don't get it.
[points to the ex-Mrs. Benson]
Oliver Poe: You're with him.
[points to Lois' breasts]
Oliver Poe: And he's with those... I mean, her.
Frank Benson: Back up Moby Dick, how would you like your flab parted in the front, too.
Oliver Poe: I'm getting out of here before I punch a senior citizen in the snoot.


--Jackie Gleason (as Oliver Poe) in How to Commit Marriage

Oliver Poe: [taking phone call from Pevney] I got your offer. It's an insult for such a distinguished musical group like The Post-Nasal Drip. However, you can look at the Uncollected Trash, the Five Commandments, the Kumquats, the Horny Toads, or the Slime Benders.
Pevney: Are they any good?
Oliver Poe: They haven't taken a bath in three months.


--Jackie Gleason (as Oliver Poe) in How to Commit Marriage

David Poe: Oliver, Nancy and I are going to get married.
Nancy Benson: We love each other, Mr. Poe.
Oliver Poe: That's Victorian bourgeois. I'll prove it you.
[calls mistress on speaker phone]
Oliver Poe: Laverne, are we sleeping together?
Laverne Baker: Yes, Oliver.
Oliver Poe: Do we love each other? Are we married?
Laverne Baker: Yes, dear. No, dear.
Oliver Poe: [disconnects speaker phone] Case closed.


--Jackie Gleason (as Oliver Poe) in How to Commit Marriage