Mae Pollitt: Gooper?
[calling his name inquisitively]
Mae Pollitt: What have all the chil'ens been shot for?
Gooper Pollitt: Everything 'cept shootin' chickens, I guess.


--Jack Carson (as Gooper Pollitt) in Cat on a Hot Tin Roof

Aunt Edna Collier: I wasn't born yesterday you know.
Patrick Regan: Well certainly the day before.


--Jack Carson (as ) in One More Tomorrow

Vivian Marsden Halstead: [At door to hotel] Darling, are you gonna carry me over the threshold?
Arthur Halstead: [Arms full of luggage] I can't baby. I've got all these other bags. C'mon.


--Jack Carson (as ) in The Doughgirls

Michael Kent: Are you a good detective?
Peter Virgil: Naturally, why?
Michael Kent: Where did you do your traning?
Peter Virgil: In the army. Intelligence G2.
Michael Kent: Well how are you at the job?
Peter Virgil: We won the war didn't we?


--Jack Carson (as Peter Virgil) in Romance on the High Seas

[repeated line]
Walter Lowrie: The Corbetts are at it again! The Corbetts are at it again!


--Jack Carson (as Walter Lowrie) in Gentleman Jim

[two friends are piloting an airliner]
Dave Campbell: Take over, son.
Eddie O'Rourke: Is it hard?
Dave Campbell: No.
Eddie O'Rourke: Well, what do I do, Dad?
Dave Campbell: Just fiddle around, it'll come to you.


--Jack Carson (as Dave Campbell) in Princess O'Rourke

Michael Kent: My wife is leaving day after tomorrow on a South American cruise and, well, she insists on going without me.
Peter Virgil: Hm. And to a man of your suspicious nature that means only one thing: Another man on the boat.
Michael Kent: Well, you see, I don't know, but that's what I want you to find out.
Peter Virgil: Well, you've come to the right man. I have handled so many of these cases.
[phone rings]
Peter Virgil: Excuse me.
[picks up phone]
Peter Virgil: Hello?...Oh yes, how are you?...Well, certainly I shadowed your wife. I hate to tell you this, but you were right, she's been two-timing you.
[we hear a thud on the other end of the line]
Peter Virgil: Hello? Hello?
[aside to Mr. Kent]
Peter Virgil: He fainted.
[hangs up phone]
Peter Virgil: Sometimes there's a shot. Now where were we?
Michael Kent: Well, Mr. Virgil, I want you to get on the same boat with my wife and shadow her.
Peter Virgil: Hey now, wait a minute! That means I'll have to leave all of my business!
Michael Kent: I'll make it up to you.
Peter Virgil: Well, I can tell you right now without batting an eyelash it'll cost you $1000 a week.
Michael Kent: Well, that's a little steep, isn't it, old boy?
Peter Virgil: Yes, yes it is, but, uh, I'll probably get seasick.
Michael Kent: Well, all right, all right, I'll book your passage.
Peter Virgil: Hm. Now, uh, move your chair a little closer, will you? There's a little confidential information I must have.
[phone rings]
Peter Virgil: Excuse me.
[picks up phone]
Peter Virgil: Hello?
[we hear a gunshot on the other end of the line]
Peter Virgil: Well, whaddya know? He didn't even wait for me to tell him!


--Jack Carson (as Peter Virgil) in Romance on the High Seas