Bart Collins: I don't think the piano is my instrument.
Dr. Terwilliker: What other instruments are there, pray tell? Scratchy violins, screechy piccolos, nauseating trumpets, et cetera, et cetera?


--Hans Conried (as ) in The 5,000 Fingers of Dr. T

Charlie McCarthy: [about the Magic Mirror] That's probably some kind of a hopped-up television set.
Slave in the Magic Mirror: Television?
[infuriated]
Slave in the Magic Mirror: TELEVISION?
[Thunder crashes and lightning flashes inside the mirror; everyone gasps]
Walt Disney: Whoa! Steady, old boy! Take it easy.
Slave in the Magic Mirror: Television, ha! I have never been so insulted in all my unborn days.


--Hans Conried (as ) in One Hour in Wonderland

Ben Ali: I beg your pardon. I realize they haven't been invented yet, but have you got a match?


--Hans Conried (as ) in Siren of Bagdad

Ben Ali: Imagine that. My name up in candles.


--Hans Conried (as ) in Siren of Bagdad

Dr. Jess Rogers: From the instant they're born, they're hungry.


--Hans Conried (as Dr. Jess Rogers) in The Monster That Challenged the World

Dr. Jess Rogers: We must remember that these creatures can travel over land, too.


--Hans Conried (as Dr. Jess Rogers) in The Monster That Challenged the World

Dr. Schmidt: To the boys of Adolf Hitler, this hour can have but one meaning. At this hour when the Earth is closest to the Sun, when it is consecrating itself to the Sun, we have only one thought: we too must be close to our Sun. We too must consecrate our lives to our Sun, and the Sun that shines for us is Adolf Hitler. Attention! You will repeat after me the oath of allegiance to our Fuehrer! "I consecrate my life to Hitler."
[Boys repeat]
Dr. Schmidt: "I am ready to sacrifice my life for Hitler."
[Boys repeat]
Dr. Schmidt: "I am ready to die for Hitler."
[Boys repeat]
Dr. Schmidt: "My Savior, my Fuehrer!"
[Boys repeat]


--Hans Conried (as Dr. Graf) in Hitler's Children

Dr. Terwilliker: [singing] I want my lavender spats!


--Hans Conried (as ) in The 5,000 Fingers of Dr. T

Dr. Terwilliker: "the idiotic cock-eyed flum-dummery"


--Hans Conried (as ) in The 5,000 Fingers of Dr. T

Professor Kropotkin: My little pigeon!
Seymour: Who's a pigeon?
Professor Kropotkin: It's only me, Professor Kropotkin.
Jane Stacy: Well, hello, Professor.
Irma Peterson: Hi, Professor.
Professor Kropotkin: Oh, Jane and Irma, my two little proud beauties! One with her head in the air and the other with air in her head.


--Hans Conried (as ) in My Friend Irma