Secretary of Labor:
The Department of Labor wishes to note that the workers of Freedonia are demanding shorter hours.
Rufus T. Firefly: Very well, we'll give them shorter hours. We'll start by cutting their lunch hour to 20 minutes.
--Groucho Marx (as Rufus T. Firefly) in Duck Soup
Rufus T. Firefly: Very well, we'll give them shorter hours. We'll start by cutting their lunch hour to 20 minutes.
--Groucho Marx (as Rufus T. Firefly) in Duck Soup
Jennings:
[at the College Widow's apartment] Pretty popular place, huh?
Professor Wagstaff: Yes, a hot dog stand would clean up here.
--Groucho Marx (as Professor Wagstaff) in Horse Feathers
Professor Wagstaff: Yes, a hot dog stand would clean up here.
--Groucho Marx (as Professor Wagstaff) in Horse Feathers
Jennings:
I love good music.
Professor Wagstaff: So do I, let's get out of here.
Jennings: Sit down!
Professor Wagstaff: [to the audience] I've got to stay here, but there's no reason why you folks shouldn't go out into the lobby until this thing to blows over.
--Groucho Marx (as Professor Wagstaff) in Horse Feathers
Professor Wagstaff: So do I, let's get out of here.
Jennings: Sit down!
Professor Wagstaff: [to the audience] I've got to stay here, but there's no reason why you folks shouldn't go out into the lobby until this thing to blows over.
--Groucho Marx (as Professor Wagstaff) in Horse Feathers
Jennings:
If this is a singing lesson I'm a ring-tailed monkey!
Professor Wagstaff: This is a singing lesson, and keep your family out of it.
--Groucho Marx (as Professor Wagstaff) in Horse Feathers
Professor Wagstaff: This is a singing lesson, and keep your family out of it.
--Groucho Marx (as Professor Wagstaff) in Horse Feathers
Jennings:
What are you doing here?
Baravelli: Me? I'm the music teacher. I give her singing lessons.
Jennings: [to Connie] Since when are you taking singing lessons?
Baravelli: Since you came in.
Jennings: [to Wagstaff] What are you doing here?
Professor Wagstaff: I'm the plumber. I'm just hanging around in case something goes wrong with her pipes.
[to audience]
Professor Wagstaff: That's the first time I've used that joke in twenty years.
--Groucho Marx (as Professor Wagstaff) in Horse Feathers
Baravelli: Me? I'm the music teacher. I give her singing lessons.
Jennings: [to Connie] Since when are you taking singing lessons?
Baravelli: Since you came in.
Jennings: [to Wagstaff] What are you doing here?
Professor Wagstaff: I'm the plumber. I'm just hanging around in case something goes wrong with her pipes.
[to audience]
Professor Wagstaff: That's the first time I've used that joke in twenty years.
--Groucho Marx (as Professor Wagstaff) in Horse Feathers
Biology Professor:
Here is the liver.
Professor Wagstaff: What, no bacon? I'd send that back if I were you.
--Groucho Marx (as Professor Wagstaff) in Horse Feathers
Professor Wagstaff: What, no bacon? I'd send that back if I were you.
--Groucho Marx (as Professor Wagstaff) in Horse Feathers
Retiring President:
Eh, by the way, professor, there is no smoking.
Professor Wagstaff: That's what you say.
Retiring President: It would please the faculty if you threw your cigar away.
Professor Wagstaff: The faculty members might as well keep their seats. There'll be no diving for this cigar.
--Groucho Marx (as Professor Wagstaff) in Horse Feathers
Professor Wagstaff: That's what you say.
Retiring President: It would please the faculty if you threw your cigar away.
Professor Wagstaff: The faculty members might as well keep their seats. There'll be no diving for this cigar.
--Groucho Marx (as Professor Wagstaff) in Horse Feathers
Otis B. Driftwood:
[attempting to sell insurance to a ship porter] I have here an accident policy that will absolutely protect you no matter what happens. If you lose a leg, we'll help you look for it.
--Groucho Marx (as Otis B. Driftwood) in A Night at the Opera
--Groucho Marx (as Otis B. Driftwood) in A Night at the Opera
Otis B. Driftwood:
That woman? Do you know why I sat with her? Because she reminded me of you.
Mrs. Claypool: Really?
Otis B. Driftwood: Of course, that's why I'm sitting here with you. Because you remind me of you. Your eyes, your throat, your lips! Everything about you reminds me of you. Except you.
--Groucho Marx (as Otis B. Driftwood) in A Night at the Opera
Mrs. Claypool: Really?
Otis B. Driftwood: Of course, that's why I'm sitting here with you. Because you remind me of you. Your eyes, your throat, your lips! Everything about you reminds me of you. Except you.
--Groucho Marx (as Otis B. Driftwood) in A Night at the Opera
Professor Wagstaff:
[in a football huddle] Don't look now, boys, but I think I see the Chemistry Professor up in the stands with the Janitors' wife.
[the football players look up into the stands]
Professor Wagstaff: [hands Pinky a cigar] Here, have a cigar.
--Groucho Marx (as Professor Wagstaff) in Horse Feathers
[the football players look up into the stands]
Professor Wagstaff: [hands Pinky a cigar] Here, have a cigar.
--Groucho Marx (as Professor Wagstaff) in Horse Feathers
