[Tony is selling Hackenbush one book after another at the race track]
Tony: Well, justa by accident I think I gotta one right here.
Dr. Hackenbush: A lotta accidents around here for a quiet neighborhood.


--Groucho Marx (as Dr. Hackenbush) in A Day at the Races

[Tony offers Dr. Hackenbush a hint book]
Tony: One dollar and you'll remember me all your life.
Dr. Hackenbush: That's the most nauseating proposition I ever had.


--Groucho Marx (as Dr. Hackenbush) in A Day at the Races

[upon seeing a cast member made up to appear hideously ugly]
Otis B. Driftwood: Boogie, boogie, boogie. How would you like to feel the way she looks?


--Groucho Marx (as Otis B. Driftwood) in A Night at the Opera

[Wolf is about to propose to Martha]
Wolf J. Flywheel: Martha, dear, there are many bonds that will hold us together through eternity.
Martha Phelps: Really, Wolf? What are they?
Wolf J. Flywheel: Your government bonds, your savings bonds, your liberty bonds.


--Groucho Marx (as ) in The Big Store

Baravelli: [through speakeasy's door] Who are you?
Professor Wagstaff: I'm fine, thanks, who are you?
Baravelli: I'm fine too, but you can't come in unless you give the password.
Professor Wagstaff: Well, what is the password?
Baravelli: Aw, no. You gotta tell me. Hey, I tell what I do. I give you three guesses. It's the name of a fish.
Professor Wagstaff: Is it Mary?
Baravelli: Ha-ha. That's-a no fish.
Professor Wagstaff: She isn't? Well, she drinks like one. Let me see: Is it sturgeon?
Baravelli: Hey, you crazy. Sturgeon, he's a doctor cuts you open when-a you sick. Now I give you one more chance.
Professor Wagstaff: I got it. Haddock.
Baravelli: That's-a funny. I gotta haddock, too.
Professor Wagstaff: What do you take for a haddock?
Baravelli: Well-a, sometimes I take-a aspirin, sometimes I take-a Calamel.
Professor Wagstaff: Say, I'd walk a mile for a Calamel.
Baravelli: You mean chocolate calamel. I like that too, but you no guess it. Hey, what's-a matter, you no understand English? You can't come in here unless you say, "Swordfish." Now I'll give you one more guess.
Professor Wagstaff: ...swordfish, swordfish... I think I got it. Is it "swordfish"?
Baravelli: Hah. That's-a it. You guess it.
Professor Wagstaff: Pretty good, eh?


--Groucho Marx (as Professor Wagstaff) in Horse Feathers

Henderson: Am I crazy or are there only two beds in here?
Otis B. Driftwood: Now which question do you want me to answer first Henderson?


--Groucho Marx (as Otis B. Driftwood) in A Night at the Opera

Henderson: You live here all alone?
Otis B. Driftwood: Yes. Just me and my memories. I'm practically a hermit.
Henderson: Oh. A hermit. I notice the table's set for four.
Otis B. Driftwood: That's nothing - my alarm clock is set for eight. That doesn't prove a thing.


--Groucho Marx (as Otis B. Driftwood) in A Night at the Opera

Connie: [Professor Wagstaff and Connie are in a canoe- a duck is swimming nearby. Connie speaks in a baby voice] Is gweat big stwong man gonna tell icky baby all about the bad football signals?
Professor Wagstaff: Was that you or the duck? 'Cause if it was you, I'm going to finish this ride with the duck.


--Groucho Marx (as Professor Wagstaff) in Horse Feathers

Connie: If icky baby don't learn about the football signals, icky baby gonna cwy.
Professor Wagstaff: If icky girl keep on talking that way, big stwong man's gonna kick all of her teef wight down her fwoat.


--Groucho Marx (as Professor Wagstaff) in Horse Feathers

Connie: Oh, Professor, you're full of whimsy.
Professor Wagstaff: Can you notice it from there? I'm always that way after I eat radishes.


--Groucho Marx (as Professor Wagstaff) in Horse Feathers