Rufus T. Firefly: Oh, I'm sick of messages from the front. Don't we ever get a message from the side? - What is it?
Bob Roland: General Smith reports a gas attack. He wants to know what to do.
Rufus T. Firefly: Tell him to take a teaspoonful of bicarbonate of soda and a half a glass of water.


--Groucho Marx (as Rufus T. Firefly) in Duck Soup

Rufus T. Firefly: Oh, uh, I suppose you would think me a sentimental old fluff, but, uh, would you mind giving me lock of your hair?
Mrs. Teasdale: A lock of my hair? Wh-why, I had no idea.
Rufus T. Firefly: I'm letting you off easy: I was going to ask for the whole wig.


--Groucho Marx (as Rufus T. Firefly) in Duck Soup

Rufus T. Firefly: Take a letter.
Bob Roland: Who to?
Rufus T. Firefly: To my dentist.
[Roland writes out the following]
Rufus T. Firefly: Uh... Dear dentist, enclosed find check for $500, yours very truly. Send that off immediately.
Bob Roland: I'll, um, I'll have to enclose a check first.
Rufus T. Firefly: You do and I'll fire you.


--Groucho Marx (as Rufus T. Firefly) in Duck Soup

Rufus T. Firefly: There goes my gun. Run out and get that like a good girl.


--Groucho Marx (as Rufus T. Firefly) in Duck Soup

Rufus T. Firefly: Well, that covers a lot of ground. Say, you cover a lot of ground yourself. You better beat it - I hear they're going to tear you down and put up an office building where you're standing. You can leave in a taxi. If you can't get a taxi, you can leave in a huff. If that's too soon, you can leave in a minute and a huff. You know, you haven't stopped talking since I came here? You must have been vaccinated with a phonograph needle.


--Groucho Marx (as Rufus T. Firefly) in Duck Soup

Rufus T. Firefly: Where's my Stradivarius?
Officer: Here, sir.
Rufus T. Firefly: I'll show 'em they can't fiddle around with old Firefly!
[he pulls a tommygun out of his violin case and opens fire]
Rufus T. Firefly: Look at 'em run! Now they know they've been in a war!
Bob Roland: Your Excellency!
Rufus T. Firefly: Hahahahahaha, they're fleeing like rats!
Bob Roland: But sir, I've got to tell you...
Rufus T. Firefly: Remind me to give myself the Firefly Medal for this!
[he fires again]
Bob Roland: Your Excellency, you're shooting your own men!
[Firefly fires again]
Rufus T. Firefly: What?
Bob Roland: You're shooting your own men!
Rufus T. Firefly: Here's $5, keep it under your hat.
[holds out his hat to take the $5 back]
Rufus T. Firefly: Never mind, I'll keep it under my hat.


--Groucho Marx (as Rufus T. Firefly) in Duck Soup

Rufus T. Firefly: You're a brave man. Go and break through the lines. And remember, while you're out there risking your life and limb through shot and shell, we'll be in be in here thinking what a sucker you are.


--Groucho Marx (as Rufus T. Firefly) in Duck Soup

Wolf J. Flywheel: [Flywheel has mistaken the Hastings brothers for the killers and handcuffed them] There you are. I give you the killers.
Tommy Rogers: Why, it's the Hastings brothers, the men who are going to buy the store.
Wolf J. Flywheel: Gentlemen, I'm terribly sorry, but it's really not my fault. You certainly do look like crooks.


--Groucho Marx (as ) in The Big Store

Wolf J. Flywheel: [In "Sing While You Sell" number] Come on, Wacky: Nagasaki!


--Groucho Marx (as ) in The Big Store

Fiorello: How do you do?
Otis B. Driftwood: [resting his foot on Lassparri, who's been knocked out] Hello.
Fiorello: What's the matter Mr.?
Otis B. Driftwood: Oh, we had an argument and he pulled a knife on me so I shot him.
Fiorello: [raises a foot] Do you mind if I...?
Otis B. Driftwood: No-no, go right ahead. Plenty of room.


--Groucho Marx (as Otis B. Driftwood) in A Night at the Opera