Jimmy 'Breezy' Kildare: [punches Owens] So you're tough, eh?
[punches him again]
Jimmy 'Breezy' Kildare: You can dish it out, but you can't take it! Well, you're in a country now where you got to take it. Here's a little of what you gave to me!
[hits him again]
B.H. 'Butch' Owens: Don't I get a break?
Jimmy 'Breezy' Kildare: You bet you don't! There's no lawyers here to pull a habeus corpus... but there's a gang here who can pull a rope! Get up.
B.H. 'Butch' Owens: Give me a break!
Walrus: Surrre, we'll give you a break. We'll give you a rope and a tree that ain't never been used before.


--George 'Gabby' Hayes (as Walrus) in Broadway to Cheyenne

Musicians: Are you really Wildcat Kelly?
Gabby Whittaker, aka Wildcat Kelly: I'd tell ya, but you're better off the way you are - ignorant!


--George 'Gabby' Hayes (as ) in Don't Fence Me In

Brett Starr: [thinking he is Shotgun Cassidy, Mayor Keeler has appointed Brett as Sheriff of Tombstone] Keeler says the surviving Carsons are a pack of cutthroats.
Judge Gabby Whittaker: No!
Brett Starr: Yeah.
Judge Gabby Whittaker: What are you gettin' all prettied up for?
Brett Starr: I'm goin' callin' on the Carsons.
Judge Gabby Whittaker: Ain't that a mite dangerous?
Brett Starr: From Keeler's description, it'll be downright perilous.
Judge Gabby Whittaker: Hmm. Gives me the shivers to think of it.
Brett Starr: The leader is a killer of the worst kind. Stands five foot tall, over 70, white hair and wears a little bonnet on top of it.
Judge Gabby Whittaker: I'm goin' along... just for the shivers.


--George 'Gabby' Hayes (as Judge Gabby Whittaker) in Sheriff of Tombstone

Brett Starr: Good mornin'! I didn't expect to see you here, Miss, ah...
Mary Carson: Carson! I live here.
Granny Carson: It's never a good mornin' for sheriffs on the Carson claim. Now git and git fast!
Brett Starr: I'm not only Sheriff, ma'am, but I aim to be a peace officer.
Granny Carson: Then why are you hidin' behind that shotgun? And why is that old goat hidin' behind them moth-eaten whiskers?
Judge Gabby Whittaker: Madam, I'll have you know that this hirsute is free of habitation.
Granny Carson: Why don't you buy yourself a snood?
Judge Gabby Whittaker: This old wildcat's as bad as Sal. Now keep your shirt on! I mean... don't get yourself in a tizzle.


--George 'Gabby' Hayes (as Judge Gabby Whittaker) in Sheriff of Tombstone

Roy Rogers: Keep an eye on him, Gabby.
Gabby: Get over there, you sidewinder, or I'll let daylight through your hide!


--George 'Gabby' Hayes (as ) in Romance on the Range

Andrew 'Doc' Grunch: That'll be four and half
[dollars]
Andrew 'Doc' Grunch: . Two for the tooth, two-and-a-half for the whiskey. You got another swig coming.


--George 'Gabby' Hayes (as Andrew 'Doc' Grunch) in Dark Command

Andrew 'Doc' Grunch: You knock 'em loose and I'll pull 'em out. Maybe, I'm just saying maybe, you know; if you was more promiscuous with your punching, we might make a little more money.
Bob 'Shortcut' Seton: What do you mean - promiscuous?
Andrew 'Doc' Grunch: Well, ah, you got strange ideas about justice. You don't want to hit nobody unless they deserve it. Now, that's all right, but we're in business. And business is different!


--George 'Gabby' Hayes (as Andrew 'Doc' Grunch) in Dark Command

Andrew 'Doc' Grunch: You know, you could make something of yourself if you tried.
Bob 'Shortcut' Seton: Yeah?
Andrew 'Doc' Grunch: Yeah. You could run for marshal.
Bob 'Shortcut' Seton: Me being a marshal? Are you loco?
Andrew 'Doc' Grunch: Well, you could try. It's better for a young fella like you to be working for Uncle Sam than against him.
Bob 'Shortcut' Seton: I can't even read or write. You know that!
Andrew 'Doc' Grunch: Listen, you don't read or write a man into jail.


--George 'Gabby' Hayes (as Andrew 'Doc' Grunch) in Dark Command

Charlie 'Shanghai' McHenry: Where'd you come from?
Johnny Nelson: I sprouted angel's wings and flew!
Charlie 'Shanghai' McHenry: More likely horns and a tail.


--George 'Gabby' Hayes (as ) in Call of the Prairie

Dave: Has somebody come to town!


--George 'Gabby' Hayes (as ) in Tall in the Saddle