John Sargent: What are you doing here?
Lee Leander: I don't know yet, but I've got a rough idea.
John Sargent: Well, I'm glad you're out...
Lee Leander: Now what do I have to do for it?
John Sargent: Well for one thing, you might say thank you, but if that doesn't fit into your plans let's skip it.


--Fred MacMurray (as John Sargent) in Remember the Night

Johnny McEvoy, aka Johnny Macklin: I can also keep my mouth shut in two languages.


--Fred MacMurray (as ) in Borderline

Judge James Edward Scott: It is now the obligation of this court to pass sentence. Ordinarily, in a case of this kind sentence would be simple and obvious... but in this case there seem to be conflicting issues. As many of you know there has been talk of banishment. It seems to be the will of a number of people. Mrs. Quary has asked for it and as the widow of the deceased certainly deserves consideration. A committee of the town's most respected citizens has asked for it and their opinion must carry weight with the court. Will the prisoner rise. Is there anything you'd like to say?


--Fred MacMurray (as ) in Day of the Bad Man

Lemuel Siddons: How can I rest? Who's going to finish building the camp out at the lake? Who's gonna get the free lumber and who's gonna get the free labor? Will you two stop "Lem"ing me? Who's gonna see that everything's ready for dedication day? Who's going to coordinate all the activities and who's going to...
Edward 'Whitey' White Jr. - as an Adult: Lem, the Troop Committee will handle all that.
Lemuel Siddons: Oh, the Troop Committee, they'll gob everything up!


--Fred MacMurray (as Lemuel Siddons) in Follow Me, Boys!

Lemuel Siddons: Will you two stop "Lem-ing" me.


--Fred MacMurray (as Lemuel Siddons) in Follow Me, Boys!

Mike Frye: You know, sometimes I wonder why I keep you around.
Deborah Patterson: Maybe it's because I own 50% of the stock.
Mike Frye: That must be the reason.


--Fred MacMurray (as ) in Callaway Went Thataway

Paul Sheridan: You just don't like women, Rick.
Rick McAllister: What keeps you single?
Paul Sheridan: Maybe I like 'em too much.


--Fred MacMurray (as ) in Pushover

Pete Marshall: I'm with the Trotter Poll. We're like the Gallop Poll but not as fast.


--Fred MacMurray (as ) in Murder, He Says

Pete Marshall: On horse flies is / In comb bees is / On chest knob is / In knob keys is
[singsong child's chant that solves the mystery]


--Fred MacMurray (as ) in Murder, He Says

Prof. Ned Brainard: Corners beautifully, doesn't it?


--Fred MacMurray (as Prof. Ned Brainard) in The Absent-Minded Professor