Tom Destry: Do you have the authority to swear me in as Deputy?
The Honorable Hiram J. Sellers, Mayor: I thought that had already been taken care of.
Tom Destry: Seems like it kind of got overlooked and I think it ought to be done before I start work.
The Honorable Hiram J. Sellers, Mayor: Well, I'll be glad to help you son. The moment I laid eye on you I figured you was the right man for the job.
Tom Destry: Sort of the way I figured it, too.
The Honorable Hiram J. Sellers, Mayor: Besides, like the fellow said, if anything goes wrong, it's your funeral.


--Edgar Buchanan (as ) in Destry

Tom Destry: Everytime I start asking questions, the people kind of look vague and sort of drift away.
The Honorable Hiram J. Sellers, Mayor: What kind of questions?
Tom Destry: Oh, just ordinary things. Like what really happened to Sheriff Bailey?
The Honorable Hiram J. Sellers, Mayor: I knew a fella once who made himself real unpopular asking questions. It got so nobody talked to him. He died lonely. You might keep that in mind.


--Edgar Buchanan (as ) in Destry

Ellen Simmons: What would you men do if there were no women around to sew your buttons on ?
Alec Simmons: Without women we wouldn't need any buttons !


--Edgar Buchanan (as Alec Simmons) in Human Desire

Sen. Frederici: Well, that's it! That's my letter you telling you I was coming. I mailed it a week before I left.
Sgt. Chips: That's nothing. Private Mulligan didn't get the letter with his reprieve until days after they hung him. Come to think of it, he never did get it.


--Edgar Buchanan (as Sgt. Chips McGraw) in Buffalo Bill

Captain Hitchcock: It looks like a very nice family.


--Edgar Buchanan (as Captain Martin / Gramps) in A Ticklish Affair

Circuit Court Judge Thaddeus Jackson Breen: Major here has told me what your troubles are. I've been thinking it over and in light of my forty years experience in legal jurisprudence, I have come to the positive conclusion that there ain't no way to do this legal and honest... but being good sensible Texans, we'll do it illegal and dishonest! Now all the boys here in the room have agreed to sign a paper I have prepared. They all are going to commit perjury. That's legal language for just a plain, dumb blasted lie.


--Edgar Buchanan (as Circuit Court Judge Thaddeus Jackson Breen) in The Comancheros

Circuit Court Judge Thaddeus Jackson Breen: Most say, except for them who are unfair minded, that I have the finest legal mind in the entire southwest. So you can have faith in your lawyer, son. How much money you got?
Paul Regret: I don't have any.
Circuit Court Judge Thaddeus Jackson Breen: Well, I'm beginning to doubt your chances against the law.


--Edgar Buchanan (as Circuit Court Judge Thaddeus Jackson Breen) in The Comancheros

Judge Bogardus: Now, the prisoner at the bar, the charge against you is that you up and blowed the head plumb off of Gus Modesko. In consequence of which said shooting said Gus is deader than blazes. Are you guilty or not guilty?
Joe Briggs: Well, Judge, I don't reckon I could say not guilty when everybody seen me do it.
Judge Bogardus: Now what in tunket made you act like that, Joe?
Joe Briggs: Drinking. Just drinking.
Judge Bogardus: Well the verdict of this here tribunal is that Joe Briggs is fined five dollars for disturbing the peace. The court is hereby adjourned to Lazarus Ward's Bar where said fine will duly be disposed of.


--Edgar Buchanan (as Judge Bogardus) in Arizona

Judge Bryson: [To Nick] You mean your own mother charged you with bigamy?
Grace Arden: I certainly did.
Judge Bryson: I hope you remember this on Mothers' Day.


--Edgar Buchanan (as ) in Move Over, Darling

Judge Bryson: Where'd you study law, anyway?
Nicholas Arden: Harvard, sir.
Judge Bryson: I might have known; a Yale man myself.


--Edgar Buchanan (as ) in Move Over, Darling