Constable: Mr. Jimson?
Gulley Jimson: No. That's my first cousin, once removed, an artist who's always getting into trouble with the police. He just went up the road. Shall I call him back?
Constable: Have you just sent a telephone message of a threatening character to Mr. Hickson of Portland Place?
Gulley Jimson: I only said I'd burn his house down and cut his liver out.
Constable: Now he doesn't want to prosecute, but if you go on making a nuissance of yourself, well, he's gonna have to take steps.
Gulley Jimson: Would he rather I cut his liver out without phoning?
Constable: Now, come now, Mr. Jimson. Put yourself in his place.
Gulley Jimson: I wish I could. It's a very nice place.


--Alec Guinness (as Gulley Jimson) in The Horse's Mouth

Parkinson: Father! You in trouble, Father?
Father Brown: I'm disappointed in you, Bert.
Parkinson: I'm sorry, Father, it was just...
Father Brown: Firstly, because you did wrong. Secondly, because you did wrong in the wrong way. Frankly, you are an incompetent thief.
Parkinson: Well, I wouldn't go that far.
Father Brown: I would. You are clearly incapable of earning a dishonest living. Why not experiment with an honest one?


--Alec Guinness (as Father Brown) in Father Brown

Parkinson: Pardon, me lady, but the awful people are coming up the drive!
Lady Warren: What awful people? It is not my "at home" day.
Father Brown: I think he means the police.


--Alec Guinness (as Father Brown) in Father Brown

Stebbins: Don't you ever read the paper you work for?
Whimple: Read the Weekly Echo? That rag?


--Alec Guinness (as Whimple) in A Run for Your Money

Texan Millionaire: [the Texan approaches Father Brown and Lady Warren as they attempt to spot Flambeau among the bidders] Lady Warren? I am Sam Johnson out of San Antonio, Texas. If isn't often we from Texas get a chance to shake a real, live lady by the hand now!
Lady Warren: It isn't often that we in London have the privilege of of meeting a real, live Texan.
Texan Millionaire: You sure talk like a lady. You know, I've come five thousand miles to buy this set of yours. It'll go well down on my ranch.
Lady Warren: Will it really?
Texan Millionaire: Yeah ma'am. I've got myself a real swell games room. Solid gold poker chips, solid gold checkers, and a solid gold ping pong table.
Lady Warren: With solid gold ping pong balls?
Texan Millionaire: No ma'am. They wouldn't bounce. Well, better get set to rope this steer.
[He goes to his seat]
Lady Warren: I feared for a moment he was going to take my hand back to Texas with him, even though it isn't made of gold.
Father Brown: I doubt if even Flambeau could have invented him.


--Alec Guinness (as Father Brown) in Father Brown

Lady Warren: [referring to the cross of St. Augustine] It's very beautiful. Is it valuable?
Father Brown: No, not valuable. Priceless.


--Alec Guinness (as Father Brown) in Father Brown

Lady Warren: What progress have you made?
Father Brown: Looking for a black cat in a coal hole during an eclipse of the sun would be a child's task compared with mine.
Lady Warren: You put me in mind of the child's poem: "As I was walking up the stair, I met a man who wasn't there. He wasn't there again today. I wish that he would go away."
Father Brown: I wish that he would come to stay.


--Alec Guinness (as Father Brown) in Father Brown

Inspector Valentine: You'd've made things much easier for us both if you'd told us what you know of Flambeau.
Father Brown: I cannot tell you what I do not know. All I know is that he walks upon two legs and his head grows above his shoulders.


--Alec Guinness (as Father Brown) in Father Brown

Fagin: Clever dogs, clever dogs. Never blowed on old Fagin.


--Alec Guinness (as Fagin) in Oliver Twist

Fagin: Strike them all dead! What right have you to butcher me?


--Alec Guinness (as Fagin) in Oliver Twist