Mrs. Tillie Lagerlof: I run a clean kitchen! No shenanigans in here, and you clean up after yourself!


--Agnes Moorehead (as Mrs. Snow) in Pollyanna

Nellie Neilson: [after Jeanne has slapped a desk twice in frustration] Double emphasis... you don't need it.


--Agnes Moorehead (as Nellie Neilson) in Jeanne Eagels

Queen Maria Dominika: [to Beatrix, about Napoleon] My dear I have a book. I shall send it to you, it's most comforting. It proves conclusively that Napoleon never existed!


--Agnes Moorehead (as Queen Maria Dominika) in The Swan

Velma Cruther: So you're finally showin' the right side of your face. Well, I seen it all along. That's some kinda drug you been givin' her. Isn't it? It's what's been making her act like she's been. Well, Ah'm goin' into town and Ah'm tellin them what you been up to.


--Agnes Moorehead (as Velma Cruther) in Hush... Hush, Sweet Charlotte

Velma Cruther: Think I don't know a due bill when I see one?


--Agnes Moorehead (as Velma Cruther) in Hush... Hush, Sweet Charlotte

Police chief: [on the phone] A police car is outside your house and an officer has reported that there's no sign of a prowler anywhere on the grounds.
Cornelia van Gorder: Well the man's inside now, he's in the hall just outside my bedroom! Have your men break through the kitchen door and search this place from top to bottom!
Police chief: Allright Miss Van Gorder, sit tightly.
Cornelia van Gorder: I will, I have a gun, and I know how to use it!


--Agnes Moorehead (as Cornelia van Gorder) in The Bat

[about Gloria]
Agustus 'Little Pinks' Pinkerton, II: She's in bad shape, Doc. Can you do something?
Florida Doctor: I wish I could.
Agustus 'Little Pinks' Pinkerton, II: Why can't you?
Florida Doctor: Did you ever hear of a thing called paranoia? No, I guess you didn't. Well, it's what happens to people when they get to believe they're something they're not.
Nicely Nicely Johnson: Now you're cooking with gas.
Violette Shumberg: Shut up, Nicely.
Nicely Nicely Johnson: Don't tell me to shut up.
Violette Shumberg: I'll tell you to shut up anytime I feel like it, and I feel like it now.
Agustus 'Little Pinks' Pinkerton, II: Please go on, Doc.
Florida Doctor: They can go on for a long time and be okay, except when the illusion is shattered. Then they kind of wither up and... phht. Unless it's restored.
Agustus 'Little Pinks' Pinkerton, II: But if it is...
Florida Doctor: I'm afraid what that young lady wants, she'll never get.
Agustus 'Little Pinks' Pinkerton, II: But we can't just stand around and let her die!
[the doctor walks away sadly]
Violette Shumberg: He ain't a very good doctor, Pinks. Why, last months he treated Nicely for a cold, and it turned out to be chicken pox.
Nicely Nicely Johnson: You don't have to be telling everybody I had chicken pox at my age.
Violette Shumberg: If you had chicken pox, you had them. And you had them.


--Agnes Moorehead (as Violette Shumberg) in The Big Street