Sidney Falco: Maybe I left my sense of humor in my other suit.

Sidney Falco: Sure, the columnists can't do without us, except our good and great friend J.J. forgets to mention that. You see, we furnish him with items.
J.J. Hunsecker: What, some cheap, gruesome gags?
Sidney Falco: You print 'em, don't ya?
J.J. Hunsecker: Yes, with your clients' names attached. That's the only reason the poor slobs pay you - to see their names in my column all over the world. Now, I make it out, you're doing *me* a favor?... The day I can't get along without a press agents' handouts, I'll close up shop and move to Alaska, lock, stock, and barrel.

Sidney Falco: The cat's in a bag and the bag's in a river.

Sidney Falco: Watch me run a 50-yard dash with my legs cut off!

Sidney Falco: You're walking around blind, Frank, without a cane.

[holding an unlit cigarette]
J.J. Hunsecker: Match me, Sidney.