Nick Arden: [discussing how to tell Tim and Chinch that Ellen is their mother] Would it help if I wrote them a letter?
Ellen Wagstaff Arden aka Eve: Oh, that would be nice, yes. 'Enclosed, please find your mother.'

Nick Arden: I came here with my wife... hum... my bride really. Now my wife, not my bride... my wife... Why should I bore you with details?
Hotel clerk: I won't be bored.
Nick Arden: Listen, it's just simple as A B C.
Hotel clerk: Don't tell me you got someone in B?

Nick Arden: Impulsive? He's full of carrots!

Nick Arden: The moment I saw you I knew...
Ellen Wagstaff Arden aka Eve: I bet you say that to all your wives.

[Dr. Kohlmar walks in on Nick holding a dress in front of himself with a lady's hat on his head]
Nick Arden: Do you think this goes together? Blue ought to go with blue, right?
Dr. Kohlmar: Yes, I suppose.
Nick Arden: It's for a friend.

Judge Walter Bryson: Hey, young woman, what do you think you're doing? Put that confounded mirror away! Do you want to blind me?
Bianca: I'm very sorry.
Judge Walter Bryson: Humph. Oughta wash her face instead of paint it! You know that there's such a thing as contempt of court, you know that don't you? Don't let me get after you!

Judge Walter Bryson: I see nothing wrong with my decision. You presented your brief. The evidence is all here. Yeh it's all here, teething and so forth... What do you want me to do, reverse myself? Now you go to the Court of Appeals -- they're always reversing me anyway.

Judge Walter Bryson: I'd like to get home and tell my wife about this. She thinks all my cases are boring.

Judge Walter Bryson: Quiet. I don't know what you're doing here in the first place. Bigamy's a criminal offense.
Nick Arden: Yes I know your Honor, but I'm out on bail...
Judge Walter Bryson: I don't care anything about the bail. This is a Civil Court. What kind of a lawyer are you? Where'd you go to school?
Nick Arden: Harvard.
Judge Walter Bryson: Un huh. I'm a Yale man myself. Are you the bride?
Bianca: Yes, your Honor.
Judge Walter Bryson: Humm, Kissless?
Bianca: Yes, your Honor.
Judge Walter Bryson: Harvard man!

Judge Walter Bryson: Who are you?
Stephen Burkett: Well, your honor...
Nick Arden: Oh, he was on the island with her. He's not important to this case.
Judge Walter Bryson: I'll decide what's important to the case. What island?
Nick Arden: The island where my wife stayed for seven years, your honor.
Judge Walter Bryson: They were on an island together for seven years?
Nick Arden: Yes, your honor.
Judge Walter Bryson: Not alone?
Nick Arden: Yes.
Judge Walter Bryson: Hmm. Same island?
Nick Arden: Yes.
Judge Walter Bryson: Is that in the brief?
Nick Arden: No, your honor!
Judge Walter Bryson: Oh, that should be in the brief. That's the most interesting part of the case.