Mailman: Beautiful day...
Elwood P. Dowd: Oh, every day is a beautiful day.

Miss Kelly: Well what shall I say to Mr. Dowd? What do I do? He'll probably be so furious he'll refuse to come down here.
Dr. Sanderson: Look, Miss Kelly. He's probably fit to be tied, but he's a man, isn't he?
Miss Kelly: I guess so. His name's *Mister*!
Dr. Sanderson: Well, then, go into your old routine. You know, the eyes, the swish, the works. I'm immune to it, but I've seen it work on some people, some of the patients out here. Now, you get him down here, Kelly, if you have to do a striptease!

Dr. Chumley: I'm Dr. Chumley. You're Mrs. Simmons, of course.
Veta Louise Simmons: Yes, well, I'm glad to know you, Dr. Chumley. Would you mind asking Judge Gaffney to come back here?
Dr. Chumley: Why, certainly, certainly.
Veta Louise Simmons: I want to tell him to sue you for $100,000. I don't think $50,000 is enough.

Dr. Chumley: This sister of yours is at the bottom of a conspiracy against you. She's trying to persuade me to lock you up. Today, she had commitment papers drawn up. She has your power of attorney and the key to your safety box, and she brought you here!
Elwood P. Dowd: My sister did all that in one afternoon. That Veta certainly is a whirlwind, isn't she?

Dr. Sanderson: I think that your sister's condition stems from trauma.
Elwood P. Dowd: From what?
Dr. Sanderson: Uh, trauma. Spelled t-r-a-u-m-a. It means shock. There's nothing unusual about it. There's the "birth trauma" - the shock of being born...
Elwood P. Dowd: That's the one we never get over.

Dr. Sanderson: It sounds funny, but I'll miss this place. I guess I'll miss a lot of things around here.
Miss Kelly: You will?
Dr. Sanderson: You won't laugh?
Miss Kelly: Of course not.
Dr. Sanderson: You know how it is working around people day after day. You sort of get attached to them.
Miss Kelly: I know, Lyman.
Dr. Sanderson: It may be ridiculous, but I'm gonna miss every one of the psychos, and the neuros, and the schizos in the place.

Dr. Sanderson: Think carefully, Dowd. Didn't you know somebody, sometime, someplace by the name of Harvey? Didn't you ever know anybody by that name?
Elwood P. Dowd: No, no, not one, Doctor. Maybe that's why I always had such hopes for it.

The Taxi Driver: ...I've been driving this route for 15 years. I've brought 'em out here to get that stuff, and I've drove 'em home after they had it. It changes them... On the way out here, they sit back and enjoy the ride. They talk to me; sometimes we stop and watch the sunsets, and look at the birds flyin'. Sometimes we stop and watch the birds when there ain't no birds. And look at the sunsets when its raining. We have a swell time. And I always get a big tip. But afterwards, oh oh...
Veta Louise Simmons: "Afterwards, oh oh"? What do you mean, "afterwards, oh oh"?
The Taxi Driver: They crab, crab, crab. They yell at me. Watch the lights. Watch the brakes, Watch the intersections. They scream at me to hurry. They got no faith in me, or my buggy. Yet, it's the same cab, the same driver. and we're going back over the very same road. It's no fun. And no tips... After this he'll be a perfectly normal human being. And you know what stinkers they are!

Attractive sales lady at a department store: What can I do for you, Mr. Dowd?
Elwood P. Dowd: What did you have in mind?

[Elwood bumps into an old friend he hasn't seen for some time]
Elwood P. Dowd: You've been away.
Mr. Miggles: For 90 days. Been doin' a job for the state. Makin' license plates.
Elwood P. Dowd: Oh, is that so? Interesting work?
Mr. Miggles: I can take it or leave it alone.
Elwood P. Dowd: Oh, I see.
Mr. Miggles: I did a job for 'em last year too. Helpin' 'em build a road.