Veta Louise Simmons: Oh good! Nobody here but people.

Veta Louise Simmons: Oh, Myrtle, don't be didactic. It's not becoming in a young girl. Besides, men loathe it.

Mr. Cracker, the Bartender: [to Wilson] One more peep outta you, weisenheimer, and I'll butter your necktie.

Elwood P. Dowd: [talking about Harvey] Did I tell you he could stop clocks?
Dr. Chumley: To what purpose.
Elwood P. Dowd: Well, you've heard the expression; 'his face would stop a clock'.
Dr. Chumley: Mm-hmm.
Elwood P. Dowd: Well, Harvey can look at your clock... and stop it. And you can go anywhere you like, with anyone you like, and stay as long as you like, and when you get back... not one minute will have ticked by.

Elwood P. Dowd: Harvey and I sit in the bars... have a drink or two... play the juke box. And soon the faces of all the other people they turn toward mine and they smile. And they're saying, "We don't know your name, mister, but you're a very nice fella." Harvey and I warm ourselves in all these golden moments. We've entered as strangers - soon we have friends. And they come over... and they sit with us... and they drink with us... and they talk to us. They tell about the big terrible things they've done and the big wonderful things they'll do. Their hopes, and their regrets, and their loves, and their hates. All very large, because nobody ever brings anything small into a bar. And then I introduce them to Harvey... and he's bigger and grander than anything they offer me. And when they leave, they leave impressed. The same people seldom come back; but that's envy, my dear. There's a little bit of envy in the best of us.

Elwood P. Dowd: Here, let me give you one of my cards. Now if you should ever want to call me, call me at this number. Don't call me at that one, that's the old one.

Elwood P. Dowd: I always have a wonderful time, wherever I am, whomever I'm with.

Elwood P. Dowd: I'd just put Ed Hickey into a taxi. Ed had been mixing his rye with his gin, and I just felt that he needed conveying. Well, anyway, I was walking down along the street and I heard this voice saying, "Good evening, Mr. Dowd." Well, I turned around and here was this big six-foot rabbit leaning up against a lamp-post. Well, I thought nothing of that because when you've lived in a town as long as I've lived in this one, you get used to the fact that everybody knows your name. And naturally I went over to chat with him. And he said to me... he said, "Ed Hickey was a little spiffed this evening, or could I be mistaken?" Well, of course, he was not mistaken. I think the world and all of Ed, but he was spiffed. Well, we talked like that for awhile and then I said to him, I said, "You have the advantage on me. You know my name and I don't know yours." And, and right back at me he said, "What name do you like?" Well, I didn't even have to think twice about that. Harvey's always been my favorite name. So I said to him, I said, "Harvey." And, uh, this is the interesting thing about the whole thing: He said, "What a coincidence. My name happens to be Harvey."

Elwood P. Dowd: I've never heard Harvey say a word against Akron.

Elwood P. Dowd: Miss Kelly, perhaps you'd like this flower. I seem to have misplaced my buttonhole.