Alice: I was sitting on the riverbank with uh... with you know who...
Mad Hatter: I DO?
Alice: I mean my C-A-T.
Mad Hatter: Tea?
March Hare: [slices a tea cup in half] Just half a cup, if you don't mind.

Alice: I'm sorry I interrupted your birthday party. Thank you.
March Hare: Birthday? My dear child, this is NOT a birthday party.
Mad Hatter: Of course not. This is an unbirthday party.

Alice: Oh, but that's nonsense. Flowers can't talk.
The Rose: But of course we can talk, my dear.
Orchid: If there's anyone around worth talking to.
Daisy: Or about.
[giggles]

Alice: Unbirthday? I'm sorry, but I don't quite understand.
March Hare: It's very simple. Now, thirty days has Septem -No. wait... An unbirthday, if you have a birthday, then you -
[laughs]
March Hare: She doesn't know what an unbirthday is.

Alice: Well, it all started when I was sitting on the river bank with Dinah.
March Hare: Very interesting - Who's Dinah?
[Pants lasciviously]
Alice: Oh, Dinah's my cat. You see...
Dormouse: Cat? CAT!

Dormouse: Twinkle twinkle, little bat / How I wonder what you're at? / Up above the world you fly / Like a tea tray in the sky.

Cheshire Cat: [singing] 'Twas brilig, and the slithy toves / Did gyre and gimble in the wabe: / All mimsy were the borogroves, / And the mome raths outgrabe.
Alice: Now where do you suppose...?
Cheshire Cat: Lose something?
Alice: [turns around to find just the Cat's smile talking to her] Oh my! oh, no no, I was just... uh never mind.
Cheshire Cat: Oh, that's quite all right. One moment please.
[two eyes drop down on top of the mouth and the full cat form appears]
Cheshire Cat: Second chorus.
[singing]
Cheshire Cat: 'Twas brilig, and the slithy toves / Did gyre and gimble in the wabe
Alice: Why, why you're a cat!
Cheshire Cat: A *Cheshire* Cat.
[starts to disappear]
Cheshire Cat: All mimsy were the borogroves...
Alice: Oh wait!
Cheshire Cat: [reappears] There you are! Third chorus...
Alice: Oh, no, no. I was just wondering if you could help me find my way.
Cheshire Cat: Well that depends on where you want to get to.
Alice: Oh, it really doesn't matter, as long as...
Cheshire Cat: Then it really doesn't matter which way you go.

Cheshire Cat: All ways here you see, are the QUEEN'S WAYS!
Alice: But I've never met any queen.
Cheshire Cat: You haven't? You ha-VEN'T? Oh, but you must! She'll be mad about you, simply mad!
[chuckles, then rolls over and almost disappears]
Cheshire Cat: The romeraths' outgrabe...
Alice: Please, please! H-How can I find her?
Cheshire Cat: Well, some go this way, and some go that way. But as for me, myself, personally, I prefer the short-cut.

Cheshire Cat: If I were looking for a white rabbit, I'd ask the Mad Hatter.
Alice: The Mad Hatter? Oh, no no no...
Cheshire Cat: Or, you could ask the March Hare, in that direction.
Alice: Oh, thank you. I think I'll see him...
Cheshire Cat: Of course, he's mad, too.
Alice: But I don't want to go among mad people.
Cheshire Cat: Oh, you can't help that. Most everyone's mad here.
[laughs maniacally; starts to disappear]
Cheshire Cat: You may have noticed that I'm not all there myself.

Cheshire Cat: You know? We could make her *really* angry! Shall we try?
Alice: Oh, no, no!
Cheshire Cat: Oh, but it's loads of fun!