T.V. Director: We are on in twenty minutes.
George: Can I say something?
T.V. Director: What?
George: I don't think it's very likely that we will go on. The law of averages is against it.

T.V. Director: You don't know what this means to me. If you hadn't come back it would have meant... the epilogue or the news... in Welsh... for life!

Millie: Oh, wait a minute, don't tell me who you are.
John: No, I'm not.
Millie: Oh, you are.
John: I'm not.
Millie: Oh, you are, I know you are.
John: I'm not, no.
Millie: You look just like him.
John: Do I? You're the first one that's said that ever.
Millie: [motions to the mirror] Yes, you do. Look.
John: No, my eyes are lighter. The nose.
Millie: Oh, your nose is very.
John: Is it?
Millie: I would have said so.
John: Oh, you know him better, though.
Millie: I do not! He's only a casual acquaintance.
John: That's what you say.
Millie: What have you heard?
John: [leans in, lowers his voice] It's all over the place.
Millie: Is it? Is it really?
John: Mmm, but I wouldn't have it. I stuck up for you.
Millie: I knew I could rely on you.
John: Thanks.
Millie: [puts on her glasses] You don't look like him at all.
[John walks away, pouting]
John: [to himself] She looks more like him than I do.

Paul: Oh, that this too, too solid flesh would melt... Zap!

Paul: Yeah, where's the old mixer?
Grandfather: Here, Paulie.
Paul: I've got a few words to say to you, two-faced John McCartney.
John: Oh, leave him alone. He's back, isn't he? He can't help being old.
Paul: What's being old got to do with it? He's a trouble-maker and a mixer, that's good enough for me!

John: [cuts tailor's tape measure with scissors and in girly voice] I now declare this bridge open!

John: [John is combing a fake beard in the mirror; girlish voice] My name's Betty.

John: [repeated line; to Norm] You're a swine.

John: [to Grandpa as he sulks] Don't worry son, we'll get you the best lawyer green stamps can buy.
Paul: Oh ho, it's a laugh a line with Lennon!
John: Anyway, it's your fault.
Paul: Why me?
John: Why not you?
[pause, he looks around baggage holding, pats the dog next to him]
John: God, it's depressing in here, isn't it? Funny. They usually reckon dogs more than people in England. You'd expect something more palatial.
[turns back to Paul]
John: Let's do something then.
Paul: Like what?
[John takes out a pack of cards]
Paul: Okay.
George: [as the schoolgirls arrive to watch] There's the girls.
Ringo: I'll deal.
John: [Ringo separates the cards into two even piles and simply flicks through them] Aye aye, the Liverpool Shuffle.
Ringo: [after montage of them playing with 'I Should Have Known Better' in background, Ringo has won] Mine, all mine!
John: He's wearing his lucky rings.

John: And we're looking after him, are we?
Grandfather: I'll look after myself.
Paul: Yeah, that's what I'm afraid of.
John: He's got you worried, then?
Paul: Him? He's a villain, a real mixer. And he costs you a fortune in Breach of Promise cases.