Murray:
A suicide telegram? Who sends a suicide telegram?
Oscar Madison: Felix, the nut, that's who! Can you imagine getting a thing like that? She even had to tip the kid a quarter.
--Walter Matthau (as Oscar Madison) in The Odd Couple
Oscar Madison: Felix, the nut, that's who! Can you imagine getting a thing like that? She even had to tip the kid a quarter.
--Walter Matthau (as Oscar Madison) in The Odd Couple
Murray:
How many cards you got, four?
Speed: Yes, Murray, we all have four cards. When you give us one more, we'll all have five. If you gave us two more, we'd all have six. Do you see how that works now?
Murray: Is Oscar playing or not? Hey, Oscar!
Oscar Madison: [from the kitchen] Yeah?
Murray: Hey Oscar, are you in or out?
Oscar Madison: [blows on a slice of bread he'd dropped on the floor] Out pussycat, out!
--Walter Matthau (as Oscar Madison) in The Odd Couple
Speed: Yes, Murray, we all have four cards. When you give us one more, we'll all have five. If you gave us two more, we'd all have six. Do you see how that works now?
Murray: Is Oscar playing or not? Hey, Oscar!
Oscar Madison: [from the kitchen] Yeah?
Murray: Hey Oscar, are you in or out?
Oscar Madison: [blows on a slice of bread he'd dropped on the floor] Out pussycat, out!
--Walter Matthau (as Oscar Madison) in The Odd Couple
Murray:
I'm telling you, I'm worried. I know Felix. He's going to try something crazy.
Vinnie: You mean you just threw him out?
Oscar Madison: That's right, I threw him out. It was my decision. All right, I admit it. Let it be on my head.
Vinnie: Let what be on your head?
Oscar Madison: How should I know? Felix put it there. Ask him.
Speed: He's out there somewhere.
Oscar Madison: Listen, he was driving us all crazy with his napkins and his ashtrays and his bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwiches. All of you said so.
Roy: We didn't say kick him out, Oscar.
Oscar Madison: Well, who do you think I did it for? I did it for us!
Roy: Us?
Oscar Madison: Yes, that's right. Do you know what he was planning for next Friday night's poker game as a change of pace? Do you have any idea?
Vinnie: What?
Oscar Madison: A luau! A Hawaiian luau! Roast pork, fried rice, spareribs - they don't play poker like that in Honolulu!
--Walter Matthau (as Oscar Madison) in The Odd Couple
Vinnie: You mean you just threw him out?
Oscar Madison: That's right, I threw him out. It was my decision. All right, I admit it. Let it be on my head.
Vinnie: Let what be on your head?
Oscar Madison: How should I know? Felix put it there. Ask him.
Speed: He's out there somewhere.
Oscar Madison: Listen, he was driving us all crazy with his napkins and his ashtrays and his bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwiches. All of you said so.
Roy: We didn't say kick him out, Oscar.
Oscar Madison: Well, who do you think I did it for? I did it for us!
Roy: Us?
Oscar Madison: Yes, that's right. Do you know what he was planning for next Friday night's poker game as a change of pace? Do you have any idea?
Vinnie: What?
Oscar Madison: A luau! A Hawaiian luau! Roast pork, fried rice, spareribs - they don't play poker like that in Honolulu!
--Walter Matthau (as Oscar Madison) in The Odd Couple
Murray:
What are you, crazy, letting him go to the john alone?
Roy: Suppose he tries to kill himself!
Oscar Madison: How's he gonna kill himself in the john?
Murray: Whaddaya mean, how? Razor blades, poison, anything that's in there.
Oscar Madison: Nah, that's the kids' bathroom. The worst he could do in there is brush his teeth to death.
Roy: He could jump!
Vinnie: That's right! Isn't there a window in there?
Oscar Madison: Yeah, but it's only six inches wide.
Murray: Yeah, well he could break the glass - he could cut his wrists!
Oscar Madison: He could also flush himself into the East River. I'm telling you he's not going to try anything.
Roy: Sh! Sh! Listen, listen!
[they all follow Roy to the bathroom door; Felix is heard crying]
Roy: He's crying. You hear that, he's crying!
Murray: Isn't that terrible? For God's sakes, Oscar, do something, say something!
Oscar Madison: What? What do you say to a man who's crying in your bathroom?
--Walter Matthau (as Oscar Madison) in The Odd Couple
Roy: Suppose he tries to kill himself!
Oscar Madison: How's he gonna kill himself in the john?
Murray: Whaddaya mean, how? Razor blades, poison, anything that's in there.
Oscar Madison: Nah, that's the kids' bathroom. The worst he could do in there is brush his teeth to death.
Roy: He could jump!
Vinnie: That's right! Isn't there a window in there?
Oscar Madison: Yeah, but it's only six inches wide.
Murray: Yeah, well he could break the glass - he could cut his wrists!
Oscar Madison: He could also flush himself into the East River. I'm telling you he's not going to try anything.
Roy: Sh! Sh! Listen, listen!
[they all follow Roy to the bathroom door; Felix is heard crying]
Roy: He's crying. You hear that, he's crying!
Murray: Isn't that terrible? For God's sakes, Oscar, do something, say something!
Oscar Madison: What? What do you say to a man who's crying in your bathroom?
--Walter Matthau (as Oscar Madison) in The Odd Couple
Murray:
What happened to the apartment?
Oscar Madison: It's been given the Good Housekeeping Seal of Approval.
--Walter Matthau (as Oscar Madison) in The Odd Couple
Oscar Madison: It's been given the Good Housekeeping Seal of Approval.
--Walter Matthau (as Oscar Madison) in The Odd Couple
LaSueur:
[the crew goes wild when liberty is announced] What the hell is happening?
Doc: Metamorphosis! Vegetables are turning into men!
--Walter Matthau (as Doc) in Ensign Pulver
Doc: Metamorphosis! Vegetables are turning into men!
--Walter Matthau (as Doc) in Ensign Pulver
Vinnie:
If you need me, I'll be at the Meridian Motel in Miami Beach.
Oscar Madison: You'll be the first one I call, Vinnie.
--Walter Matthau (as Oscar Madison) in The Odd Couple
Oscar Madison: You'll be the first one I call, Vinnie.
--Walter Matthau (as Oscar Madison) in The Odd Couple
Elias Wakefield:
Bodine, for once you've gone too far!
Stan Bodine: I go where I please, Wakefield!
--Walter Matthau (as Stan Bodine) in The Kentuckian
Stan Bodine: I go where I please, Wakefield!
--Walter Matthau (as Stan Bodine) in The Kentuckian
Gwendolyn Pigeon:
It's like Equatorial Africa on our side of the building.
Cecily Pigeon: Well, last night it was so bad, Gwen and I sat there in Nature's own cooling ourselves in front of the open fridge. Can you imagine such a thing?
Oscar Madison: Well, I'm working on it.
[laughter from the ladies]
Gwendolyn Pigeon: Actually, it's impossible to get a night's sleep. Ces and I really don't know what to do about it.
Oscar Madison: Why don't you sleep with an air conditioner?
Gwendolyn Pigeon: Well, we haven't got one.
Oscar Madison: I know, but we have.
[more peals of laughter from the ladies]
--Walter Matthau (as Oscar Madison) in The Odd Couple
Cecily Pigeon: Well, last night it was so bad, Gwen and I sat there in Nature's own cooling ourselves in front of the open fridge. Can you imagine such a thing?
Oscar Madison: Well, I'm working on it.
[laughter from the ladies]
Gwendolyn Pigeon: Actually, it's impossible to get a night's sleep. Ces and I really don't know what to do about it.
Oscar Madison: Why don't you sleep with an air conditioner?
Gwendolyn Pigeon: Well, we haven't got one.
Oscar Madison: I know, but we have.
[more peals of laughter from the ladies]
--Walter Matthau (as Oscar Madison) in The Odd Couple
Roy:
What if he's laying in a gutter somewhere ? Who would know who he is?
Oscar Madison: He's got 92 credit cards in his wallet. The minute something happens to him, America lights up.
--Walter Matthau (as Oscar Madison) in The Odd Couple
Oscar Madison: He's got 92 credit cards in his wallet. The minute something happens to him, America lights up.
--Walter Matthau (as Oscar Madison) in The Odd Couple
