Mr. Thorndyke: At a time like this, whatever kind of time it is, I always say money serves to ease the pain.

Mr. Thorndyke: Good evening.
Tennessee Steinmetz: Sorry, the other rats are out for the evening!

Mr. Thorndyke: Good sir, would you say this is a compact car?... You do not answer. Well, let me tell you that you've never heard of a compact car until you see what I'm going to do with this. Mr. Douglas, I have a friend with a claw-and-hook auto-wrecking company in San Francisco, and he's going to work on your car. Maybe he'll transform it into a birdbath. Or what about a nice doormat, so I can wipe my feet on it every day. It's too bad this thing doesn't have the gumption to get up to the starting line this morning. I should have enjoyed beating it.
[kicks Herbie again]
Tennessee Steinmetz: [croaking, grunting] AUWWW...!

Mr. Thorndyke: I salute your honesty, my dear, a quality not necessarily to be despised.

Mr. Thorndyke: What part of Ireland did you say your mother came from?
Tennessee Steinmetz: Coney, Ireland.
[laughs drunkenly]

Mr. Wu: I think now is chance to remove egg fu yung off of face.

Bice: You used to be a big-track driver, ain't you got no pride?
Jim Douglas: I ran out of pride when I ran out of cars.

Jim Douglas: [on the phone] Yeah, yeah, Thorndyke. I know what you did to my car. You need your brains kicked out.

Jim Douglas: Has everybody gone nuts around here? I can understand how Tennessee feels, he's just in off a flying saucer.

Jim Douglas: I may be kidding myself, but I think I can make something out of that sad little bucket of bolts.