Stanlio: [after being robbed of all his savings] Oh, well, come easy, go easy - that's my motto.

Stanlio: [to a Guard] Leave us alone, or I'l tell Diavalo on you.
Ollio: He doesn't mean Diavalo, sir; he means the Marquis de San Marco.
[realizes he's made the connection between the two]
Ollio: Oooooohhhhh.

Stanlio: I don't want to be walking around with my throat cut.

Stanlio: Why don't we start at the top?
Ollio: Whatya mean?
Stanlio: Well, why don't we become bandits? Then we wouldn't have to work hard anymore. Let's get it the easy way. We could rob the rich and give them to the poor, and we could have all...
Ollio: [Interrupting him] That's the first time you've shown any intelligence.
Stanlio: Well, it's the first time you've listened to me. You know if you listened to me, in a while you'd be a lot better off.
Ollio: I guess you're right. Tell me that plan again.
Stanlio: [Bewildered] All of it?
Ollio: Certainly, certainly!
Stanlio: Well, if we became rich and we robbed the poor and gave them to the bandits and... we could start at the top, and we'd get to the bottom without working hard anymore. We can't go wrong. It's the law of conversation.
Ollio: What do you mean?
Stanlio: Well, as ye cast your bread on the waters, so shall ye reap.
Ollio: That's very well thought out!

Ollio: [seeing Stanlio drunk] You're spiffed!

Ollio: I'm not afraid of poverty.
Stanlio: But I am.