Gabrielle: Actually, depravity can be terribly boring if you don't smoke or drink.

Gabrielle: It's quite all right, really. I once worked for an American novelist who could only write in the bathtub. I'm used to anything.
Richard: You can unpack -
[surprised]
Richard: in the bathtub?
Gabrielle: Yes. On the second day, I gave him a packet of bubble bath and from then on we got along swimmingly.
Richard: I see.
[pointing to the name on the birdcage]
Richard: Uh, does that imply that the bird's name is Richelieu?
Gabrielle: Oh, it's inferred, I believe, rather than implied.
Richard: [pause] "Swimmingly." Interesting figure of speech.

Gabrielle: What's the story about?
Richard: It's an action/suspense, uh, romantic melodrama with lots of comedy, of course. And, uh, deep down underneath, a substrata of social comment.

Gabrielle: You're not middle aged, Mr. Benson. In fact I think you're remarkably well preserved.
Richard: As chilling a compliment as I've ever received, Miss Simpson.

Richard: [about the screenplay's main character] Now, I suppose we'll have to describe him.
Gabrielle: Yes, I suppose so.
Richard: He's American, of course. I can write him better that way. Now let's see, what else.
[looking in the mirror]
Richard: I see him as rather tall, rather suntanned, rather handsome athletic-looking with a rugged, but... curiously sensitive face.

Richard: [knock on door] Yes?
Gabrielle: Mr. Benson?
Richard: You are, I assume, the young lady from the typing bureau?
Gabrielle: I am.
Richard: In that case, if we are to have a happy and harmonious relationship, I beg of you, never answer a question with a question. Is that clear?
Gabrielle: Did I?
Richard: There you go again, answering a question with a question. My original yes when you opened the door was a question, question mark implied of course. You do know the difference between implied and inferred?
Gabrielle: Isn't that a question?
Richard: [pauses] Yes.
Gabrielle: Well, you just answered my question with a question. To imply to indicate without saying openly or directly, to infer is to conclude from something known or assumed.

Richard: [showing Gabrielle the apartment] This is it. The office there, I live up here, and uh, the terrace is out there. That rather grotesque object looming so formidably on the horizon is the Eiffel Tower. I had it moved there to remind me what town I'm in. If it offends you, of course, I'll have it taken away again.

Richard: And this guy you've got a date with on Bastille Day, is he part of the growth process?
Gabrielle: Oh no, he's just a friend, a struggling young actor.
Richard: [outraged] An actor!
[disgusted]
Richard: Eww. A tragic relation to begin with. I only hope he's not one of those method actors that who scratches and mumbles and pauses a lot, thereby destroying the impeccable rhythm of the author's prose.

Richard: Cut to the Eiffel Tower. The main title. The trumpets segue into the inevitable title song. Maybe we can get Sinatra to sing it.
[Frank Sinatra begins to sing]

Richard: He's not asking her to spend a weekend with him at a motel in Asbury Park, New Jersey; he's asking her to lunch!