Claude Horton: So, my haughty lady...I'm not good enough for you, eh?
Nettie Horton: Well, it finally dawned on you.
Claude Horton: So you admit that you've been carrying on with the butler!
Nettie Horton: Which butler?

William Hobbs: C'mon, drink your milk. It'll make your hair curly.
Claude Horton: I hate curly hair. I don't even like rosy cheeks!

William Hobbs: How much would you charge me to call you a half-witted horse's neck?
Claude Horton: A half-witted horse's neck? Now let me see...that'll cost you a hundred.
William Hobbs: Make it $75!
Claude Horton: What do you think this is...a cut-rate drugstore? One hundred!
William Hobbs: One hundred for a little thing like that? Why you cheap, chiseling crook!
Claude Horton: That's the hundred.

William Hobbs: I can't have Florence see me like this!
Claude Horton: Still thinkin' about Florence? I thought my wife was your big interest.
William Hobbs: Your wife?...why that frowsy-lookin' frump!
Claude Horton: Frowsy-lookin' frump, eh? That'll cost you ninety dollars.
William Hobbs: 90?
Claude Horton: I'm knocking off 10 percent because I agree with you!

William Hobbs: I'm just beginning to realize what a racket this butlering is. Why don't you become a butler? The rest'll do you good.
Claude Horton: Hobbs, as your master, I insist that you be miserable!

William Hobbs: The servants have all quit.
Claude Horton: You're crazy!
William Hobbs: There they go, takin' the bus...They said they wouldn't work for a stupid-lookin' egg like you.
Claude Horton: And you let 'em call me a stupid-looking egg?
William Hobbs: Well, there is a resemblance, sir.
Claude Horton: That'll cost you one hundred dollars.
William Hobbs: You better make it two hundred.
Claude Horton: Two hundred?
William Hobbs: I told them what I thought you looked like.

[Horton slaps butler Hobbs in the face]
William Hobbs: What's that for?
Claude Horton: That's for calling me a mongoose.
William Hobbs: I called you that weeks ago!
Claude Horton: Well, I just saw a picture of one in a book...besides, I'm too tall for a mongoose!