Joe Gurney: [after receiving care for a gunshot wound] Well, can I take it or can I take it?
Dr. Carole Nelson: You can take it. Some people aren't sensitive to pain, especially moronic types.
Joe Gurney: Hey, did you hear that, Slick? I'm a moronic type.
Slick: Yeah? Hey, what's that?
Joe Gurney: I don't know. Some type of medical name, ain't it doc?

Joe Gurney: [Explaining why he shot someone] It says in the book that Napoleon said a good general has got to know when to be just, severe, or mild.

Dr. Carole Nelson: [sticking thermometer in Gurney's mouth] Keep your mouth shut.
Joe Gurney: Hey, d'ya year that? That's a hot one. First time anybody ever told me to keep my mouth shut and got away with it.
Dr. Carole Nelson: I suppose that's something to boast about.
Joe Gurney: You bet it is. Hey doc...anybody ever tell you that you're a pretty good lookin' doll? Ah, I'm not kiddin'. Y'know, I don't go for dolls as a rule. I mean, they're just something nice to have around the house like cats and dogs and pets and things. You got brains.
Dr. Carole Nelson: Yeah, I'm different.
Joe Gurney: Sure, we could get along swell together if you'd just relax.