Prof. Quackenbush: How would you boys like to make $1,000?
Moe: Who do you have to murder?
Prof. Quackenbush: Oh, nothing like that. All you have to do is let me make gentlemen of you.
[the Stooges all flinch in horror]
Larry: No, no! Not that!
Curly: Our father would never forgive us.
Larry: There ain't been a gentleman in our family for fifty generations.
Moe: Quit bragging.

Prof. Sedletz: You with the mattress head, now, if I gave you a dollar and your father gave you a dollar, how many dollars would you have?
Larry: One dollar.
Prof. Sedletz: You don't know your arithmetic.
Larry: You don't know my father!

Curly: [to Professor Quackenbush as they rehearse eating an invisible dinner] "Pardon me, what are we eating now?"

Curly: There's a hair in my soup.
Moe: You're crazy. That's a crack in your plate.
Curly: I never saw a crack go that way.
[he makes a curving motion with his hand]
Moe: Well, that's neither hair nor there.

Moe: But we're organized.
[holds up a card with the letters AAM on it]
Moe: The Amalgamated Association of Morons. Local six and seven eighths.
Moe, Curly, Larry: We are morons! Tried and true! We will do our yell for you!