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Oliver Hardy

Oliver Hardy

Stan Sr.: [reaching out to stop Ollie from using his pool cue] My break!
Ollie Sr.: It's MY break!
Stan Sr.: [indignantly] It's MY break!
[points irritably]
Stan Sr.: You went in the pocket there -...
Ollie Sr.: [bonks Stan over the head with his pool cue to shut him up, then leans over the pool table with the cuestick to hit the cueball again. Stan quickly reaches out and picks up the cueball to keep Ollie from hitting it, but Ollie doesn't see Stan's action in time, and thrusts the cuestick forward where the ball had been, skinning off a strip of the pool table's green felt playing surface]

Oliver Hardy

Oliver Hardy

Stan Sr.: If you must make a noise, make it quietly.
Ollie Sr.: Make a noise quietly. Hmph!

Stan Laurel

Stan Laurel

Stan Sr.: Remember the old adage: You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.

Stan Laurel

Stan Laurel

Ollie Jr.: [after being warned for the last time to be quiet] Let's play hide and seek!
Stan Jr.: You're it.
Ollie Jr.: No, you're it!
Stan Jr.: No, you're it!
Ollie Jr.: No, you're it!
Stan Jr.: [crying loudly] I don't want to be it! WAH!
[throws a tantrum]

Oliver Hardy

Oliver Hardy

Ollie Sr.: [in an irritable bossy tone of voice] Shoot THAT ball!


Stan Laurel

Stan Laurel

Ollie Sr.: [singing softly] Go to sleep, my ba-a-a-by, my ba-a-a-by, my ba...
Stan Sr.: [interrupting loudly] MY BA-A-ABY!
[kids wake up with a shocked start]

Oliver Hardy

Oliver Hardy

Ollie Sr.: [stops Laurel partway to the bathroom door and takes the drinking glass out of his hand, then speaks in his typical bossy reproachful manner] Just a minute... you might SPILL IT!
[goes and opens the door, unaware that the little boys had left the bathtub plugged and with its faucet running full blast, and so by now there are several feet of water inside the bathroom. Both men are swept up and carried clear across the living room by the tremendous tidal wave of water that rushes out of the bathroom doorway]

Oliver Hardy

Oliver Hardy

Ollie Sr.: Boys will be boys.
Stan Sr.: Blood is thicker than water.
Ollie Sr.: Blood's thicker than water. Hmph!

Stan Laurel

Stan Laurel

Ollie Sr.: If you brats don't get to bed, I'll break your necks!
Stan Sr.: Shh. Don't talk to them like that. Treat them with kindness. You'll get more out of them. Remember the old adage, you can lead a horse to water but a pencil must be lead.

Oliver Hardy

Oliver Hardy

Ollie Sr.: That's it. If you brats don't be quiet you'll have to go to bed.
Stan Sr.: Yes we'll have to go to bed.
Ollie Sr.: Not we, The kids.

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