Melody Allen:
Horatio, be patient.
Horatio Prim: Be patient? Melody, do you realize that my Nora has been waiting on me for 165 years? And a girl will only wait so long, and no longer!
--Lou Costello (as Horatio Prim) in The Time of Their Lives
Horatio Prim: Be patient? Melody, do you realize that my Nora has been waiting on me for 165 years? And a girl will only wait so long, and no longer!
--Lou Costello (as Horatio Prim) in The Time of Their Lives
Melody Allen:
I need help.
Horatio Prim: [With his head sticking out of a trunk] What do you think I need? Mistress Melody, would you help me get out of this overcoat?
--Lou Costello (as Horatio Prim) in The Time of Their Lives
Horatio Prim: [With his head sticking out of a trunk] What do you think I need? Mistress Melody, would you help me get out of this overcoat?
--Lou Costello (as Horatio Prim) in The Time of Their Lives
Abernathy:
Things have been awfully dead around here.
Freddie Phillips: Much deader than you think.
--Lou Costello (as Freddie Phillips) in Abbott and Costello Meet the Killer, Boris Karloff
Freddie Phillips: Much deader than you think.
--Lou Costello (as Freddie Phillips) in Abbott and Costello Meet the Killer, Boris Karloff
Man:
Where does this little girl live?
Herbie Brown: Paris.
Slicker Smith: Marsailles.
Herbie Brown: Marsailles.
Slicker Smith: Paris.
Man: Paris and Marsailles?
Herbie Brown: Her mother is a traveling salesman.
--Lou Costello (as Herbie Brown) in Buck Privates Come Home
Herbie Brown: Paris.
Slicker Smith: Marsailles.
Herbie Brown: Marsailles.
Slicker Smith: Paris.
Man: Paris and Marsailles?
Herbie Brown: Her mother is a traveling salesman.
--Lou Costello (as Herbie Brown) in Buck Privates Come Home
Customer:
What happened to my strawberry sundae?
Mervin Q. Milgrim: What's today?
Customer: Friday.
Mervin Q. Milgrim: You've got two more days to wait.
--Lou Costello (as Mervin Q. Milgrim / Voice of Himself on Radio) in Who Done It?
Mervin Q. Milgrim: What's today?
Customer: Friday.
Mervin Q. Milgrim: You've got two more days to wait.
--Lou Costello (as Mervin Q. Milgrim / Voice of Himself on Radio) in Who Done It?
Telephone operator:
[Horatio picks up the phone receiver] Number please.
Horatio Prim: Spooks!
[runs over to Melody]
Horatio Prim: That thing just talked to me!
--Lou Costello (as Horatio Prim) in The Time of Their Lives
Horatio Prim: Spooks!
[runs over to Melody]
Horatio Prim: That thing just talked to me!
--Lou Costello (as Horatio Prim) in The Time of Their Lives
[after seeing a goat]
Wilbert: Funny-looking dog.
--Lou Costello (as Wilbert Smith) in Comin' Round the Mountain
Wilbert: Funny-looking dog.
--Lou Costello (as Wilbert Smith) in Comin' Round the Mountain
[after walking into an old beat-down cabin]
Wilbert: How could my kin folks ever live in a joint like this?
Al Stewart: Probably your four fathers lived here.
Wilbert: I beg your pardon?
Al Stewart: I said probably your four fathers lived here before you.
Wilbert: My four fathers?
Al Stewart: Yes.
Wilbert: I didn't have four fathers.
Al Stewart: Sure, you did.
Wilbert: If I did, only one came home nights.
--Lou Costello (as Wilbert Smith) in Comin' Round the Mountain
Wilbert: How could my kin folks ever live in a joint like this?
Al Stewart: Probably your four fathers lived here.
Wilbert: I beg your pardon?
Al Stewart: I said probably your four fathers lived here before you.
Wilbert: My four fathers?
Al Stewart: Yes.
Wilbert: I didn't have four fathers.
Al Stewart: Sure, you did.
Wilbert: If I did, only one came home nights.
--Lou Costello (as Wilbert Smith) in Comin' Round the Mountain
[Costello lights up a cigar]
Abbott: Put that out. There's no smoking in here.
Costello: What makes you think I'm smokin'?
Abbott: You've got a cigar in your mouth!
Costello: I've got shoes on... don't mean I'm walkin'.
--Lou Costello (as Costello) in One Night in the Tropics
Abbott: Put that out. There's no smoking in here.
Costello: What makes you think I'm smokin'?
Abbott: You've got a cigar in your mouth!
Costello: I've got shoes on... don't mean I'm walkin'.
--Lou Costello (as Costello) in One Night in the Tropics
