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Alice in Wonderland

Alice in Wonderland

March Hare: Why don't you start at the begining?
Mad Hatter: Yes and when you reach the end... Stop.


--Ed Wynn (as Mad Hatter) in Alice in Wonderland

Mary Poppins

Mary Poppins

Mary Poppins: [watching Bert, Albert, Jane, and Michael laugh together on the ceiling] Why, it's the most disgraceful sight I've ever seen, or my name isn't Mary Poppins.
Bert: Speakin' o' names, I know a man with a wooden leg named Smith.
Uncle Albert: What's the name of his other leg?
[he, Bert, Jane, and Michael laugh]


--Ed Wynn (as Uncle Albert) in Mary Poppins

The Greatest Story Ever Told

The Greatest Story Ever Told

Bar Amand: The Messiah has come! A man was dead but now he lives!
Uriah: I was crippled, and now I walk!
Old Aram: I was blind, and now I see!
Soldier: Who has done this?
Old Aram: The man called Jesus!


--Ed Wynn (as Old Aram) in The Greatest Story Ever Told

The Absent-Minded Professor

The Absent-Minded Professor

[the fire crew's net had been accidentally broken by Alonzo Hawk during their attempt to rescue him]
Fireman: I told you we needed a new one.
Fire Chief: You told me? What do you think I've been telling the town council? How am I supposed to buy a new net without an appropriation?
Fireman: Well, don't get hot. I only mentioned it.
Fire Chief: Well, you just keep the kinks out of the fire hose. That's all I want from you. I'm the Chief!


--Ed Wynn (as Fire Chief) in The Absent-Minded Professor

Mary Poppins

Mary Poppins

[Uncle Albert had been asked if there is a way to get down from being up in the air]
Uncle Albert: There is a way. And frankly, I don't like to think of it, because you have to think of something sad.
Mary Poppins: Then do get on with it, please.
Uncle Albert: Let me see... I have the very thing: Yesterday, when the lady next door answered the door, there was a man there, and the man said to the lady, "I'm terribly sorry, I just ran over your cat."
[Jane and Michael descend from being up in the air]
Jane: Oh, that is sad.
Michael: The poor cat.
Uncle Albert: And the man said, "I'd like to replace your cat." And the lady said, "That's all right with me, but how are you with catching mice?"
[then they all burst out laughing and Jane and Michael re-ascend back to the tea table in the air]


--Ed Wynn (as Uncle Albert) in Mary Poppins


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