John: Control yourself. You'll spurt.

John: Don't worry, son, we'll get you the best lawyer green stamps can buy.
Paul: Oh, ho! It's a laugh a line with Lennon!

John: He's sex obsessed! The older generation's leading our nation in a state of galloping ruin!

John: Hey he's reading the Queen... that's an in joke, you know.

John: Hey, look at the talent. Let's give them a pull.
Paul: Should I?
George: Aye, but don't rush. None of your five-bar gate jumps and over sort of stuff.
Paul: What's that supposed to mean?
George: I don't know, I just thought it sounded distinguished-like.
John: George Harrison, the Scouse of distinction!

John: Ringo, what are you up to?
Ringo: [Ringo is sitting under a hairdryer wearing a beefeater's bearskin hat and reading a magazine] Page five!
John: You always fancied yourself as a guardsman, didn't you?

John: We know how to behave! We've had lessons.

John: We've broken out! Ah, the blessed freedom of it all! Have you got a nail file, these handcuffs are killin me! I was framed, I'm innocent, I don't want to go!
Paul: Sorry for disturbing you, girls!
John: I betchya can't guess what I was in for!
[laughs psychotically]

Simon Marshall: If you don't cooperate, you won't get to meet Susan.
George: And who's this Susan when she's at home?
Simon Marshall: Only Susan Canby, our resident teenager.
George: Oh! You mean that posh bird who gets everything wrong?
Simon Marshall: Excuse me?
George: Oh, yeah. The lads frequently sit around the telly and watch her for a giggle. One time, we actually sat down and wrote these letters saying how gear she was and all that rubbish.
Simon Marshall: She's a trendsetter. It's her profession.
George: She's a drag. A well known drag. We turn the sound down on her and say rude things.
Simon Marshall: [horrified] Get him out of here! He's knocking the program's image!
George: Have I said something amiss?
Simon Marshall: Get him out!
George: Sorry about the shirts!

Casino Manager: Before you go, gentlemen, there's a little matter of the bill.
Norm: I'll take care of that.
[Norm take a look at the bill]
Norm: [shocked] Hundred eighty pounds?
Casino Manager: I beg your pardon. Guineas.
Casino Croupier: Your winnings, my Lord. One hundred and ninety pounds.
[Grandfather is excited, but the manager immediately takes the money from him as payment for the bill]
Grandfather: Where are me change?
Casino Manager: Pilcrim charge.
Ringo: Oh, well. Easy come, easy go.
[Grandfather and Norm angrly look at Ringo]
Ringo: Well?