The Stranger: Have you met Miss Langtry?
Judge Roy W. Bean: No, I never met her. I never met the sun, I never shook hands with the moon, and I've never been introduced to no clouds.

Judge Roy W. Bean: Are you an attorney, Miss?
Jane Ellen Mathews: I'm as much an attorney as you are a judge!

Judge Roy W. Bean: Don't spill none of that liquor, son. It eats right into the bar.

Judge Roy W. Bean: I haven't worn this uniform since Chickamaugie, but it still fits right smart.

Judge Roy W. Bean: Mr. Harden, it's my duty to inform you that the larceny of an equine is a capital offense punishableby death, but you can rest assured that in this court a horse thief always gets a fair trial before he's hung.

Judge Roy W. Bean: Shad Wilkins, you've been tried and found guilty of the most serious crime west of the Pecos, to wit: shooting a steer. Do you got anything to say for yourself before the sentence of the court is executed?
Shad Wilkins: I told you they shot at me first. I didn't mean to kill that steer on purpose. I was aiming at the man.
Judge Roy W. Bean: It's your bad luck you missed him. That's the trouble with you sodbusters...you can't shoot straight. Shad, may the Lord have mercy on your soul.

Cole Harden: [to Bean] When I was a kid, I had a pet rattlesnake. I was fond of it, but I wouldn't turn my back on it.

Cole Harden: You get warrants in Fort Davis, don't you?
Judge Roy W. Bean: Yes, that's where they get 'em, but they don't know how to spell my name. It's been tried before.
Cole Harden: I'll get one. This time you'll get what's comin' to you, Judge.

Wade Harper: We're goin' back to build our fences.
Judge Roy W. Bean: If you do, you better build coffins with them. Now git!