Margaret 'Maggie' McKendrick: Oh darn!
Mitch Evers: What's the matter?
Margaret 'Maggie' McKendrick: Well, I've got a wet dishcloth on and I put some knots in it. Open it for me!
Mitch Evers: Maggie, as long as everybody's apologizing, I think maybe I better do mine too. I mean about the other night, well, I didn't mean for it to sound like uh... I guess I'm not very good with the compliments what growing up out here with the cows...
Margaret 'Maggie' McKendrick: Oh now, don't give me that old "growing up with the cows routine"! You handed me that years ago!
Mitch Evers: I did not!
Margaret 'Maggie' McKendrick: You certainly did!
Mitch Evers: Well it worked didn't it? You liked it!

Sharon McKendrick: [after telling her he's going to marry Vicky] Don't you see, Dad, it's all relative. Compared to her, you're an old man.
Mitch Evers: I am not an old man!

Sharon McKendrick: [looks at Susan putting up a picture on the wall] Who's that?
Susan Evers: [turns to her surprised] Are you kidding? Ricky Nelson?
Sharon McKendrick: Oh, your boyfriend.
Susan Evers: [a choked laugh is forced out] I wish he was! You mean you've never heard of him? Where do ya come from? Outer space?

Verbena 'Ever's Housekeeper': I'm not saying a word. Not one single word.

Verbena 'Ever's Housekeeper': You didn't know what a good thing you had when you had it.
Mitch Evers: Huh?

Susan Evers: [pretending to be Sharon while saying goodbye to Miss Inch] I shan't tell my aunt about the ants nor the debutantes. Shall I?

Susan Evers: Do you want to know Father? And I'm just dying to know Mother. It might be so scary that we just might be able to pull it off.
Sharon McKendrick: Pull what off?
Susan Evers: Switch places!
Sharon McKendrick: Switch?
Susan Evers: We can do it. We're twins, aren't we? Oh, I'm just dying to know Mother! Look, now I'M getting goosebumps!
Sharon McKendrick: Me, too. You know something? There's more to it than just switching places. I believe fate brought us together.
Susan Evers: How so?
Sharon McKendrick: If we switched, sooner or later, they'd have to unswitch us.
Susan Evers: Mother would have to bring me to California to unmix us.
Sharon McKendrick: And they'd have to meet again.
Susan Evers: Face-to-face. Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
Sharon McKendrick: Exactly.
Susan Evers: Let's get to work!

Louise McKendrick: Charles, stop burbling.
Charles McKendrick: I haven't burbled in years!

Mitch Evers: [entering the dining room to see an empty table] Hey, uh, what happened to dinner?
Verbena 'Ever's Housekeeper': Oh, dinner's being served on the patio tonight.
Mitch Evers: Oh, whose idea is that?
Verbena 'Ever's Housekeeper': It's none of my nevermind. I don't say a word.
Mitch Evers: [turning to leave; deadpan] I know, you never say a word to anyone.

Mitch Evers: Would you mind putting on something decent?
Margaret 'Maggie' McKendrick: I'm dressed perfectly decent.
Mitch Evers: Yeah, running around in my bathrobe. The priest could come in here any minute, it looks like we just...
Margaret 'Maggie' McKendrick: Like we what?
Mitch Evers: Just go upstairs and put on some clothes!